


Aquaphobia

by ToxicParalysis



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Amnesia, Aquaphobia, Best Friends, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, First Dates, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Original Character(s), Psychological Trauma, Self-Discovery, Slow Burn, Swimming, Swimming Pools, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-08-03
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:27:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 38,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24696790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxicParalysis/pseuds/ToxicParalysis
Summary: Roxas is a mess. His sister haunts him, he has no memories of his past, and he has an intense fear of water. Time heals all wounds, but will his new friendships and a newfound love truly conquer Roxas' Aquaphobia? Or will he be haunted by his sister forever?
Relationships: Axel/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi/Yuffie (Kingdom Hearts), Paine/Rikku (Final Fantasy X & X-2), Zack Fair/Cloud Strife
Kudos: 3





	1. Waist Deep

There was the sensation of falling; that rush of adrenaline when your heart jumps up to your throat and you brace yourself for impact. Blue engulfed the frame of the car, water filling up the front then making its way back until there was nothing but a small pocket of air pressed against the ceiling. It was cold, consuming; the seatbelt hot against his skin where it had jerked against his neck and chest upon hitting the surface of the water. He struggled out of it frantically, the metal of the lock slapping hard against his forearm as it came undone, the boy's heartbeat pounding in his ears. He tilted his head up; gasping in the air still remaining near the roof, then dove back down and searched through the car. The others must have made it out already, their seats vacant of bodies living or dead. He pushed through the water, using the seats as leverage, and crawled out of the shattered glass of the front windshield, cutting his legs as he kicked free of the sinking vessel.

The water was murky, more green than blue now that his eyes had adjusted to the sight. He looked above him for the surface and saw only the faraway flicker of light. He was so far down, too far down. He kicked at the water, arms moving to help quicken his ascent, eyes darting through the foggy blue for any sign of his family. There was the sound of a clock ticking, sharp and definite, chiming slowly in his ears as he swam through the water, deafening in its presence. He turned around, spotting a flash of gold. He kicked towards it, reaching out to grab it, fingers stretching until he felt something soft against his skin. Another hand.

He intertwined their fingers, pulling the body towards the surface with him, his lungs burning for air. They were so far away, and everything felt so heavy. The sun streaming down through the water gave off just enough light to frame the face of the one he was clinging to. His sister, her golden yellow hair flowing around her like silk, the pink and white watch he'd given her for her birthday ticking soundlessly on her wrist, gold filigree across the face spelling out her name. _Naminé_. The further he tried to pull her, the heavier he felt, the further the light seemed, and the more his chest burned. They weren't going to make it; they would drown beneath the water together…

Suddenly she reached up and took his wrist, air bubbles cascading out of her mouth as she tried to say something, tried to pry his hand away. He clung to her, searching her peony-blue eyes and screaming at her, the last of his air escaping his lungs.

" _I won't leave you!_ "

Her eyes softened, small pale fingers clasping his hand and bringing it to her face so that he cupped her cheek. She held his gaze for an eternity, then she let go, her body twitching as water filled her lungs. The light in her eyes faded, and Roxas was left alone under the water.

-x-x-x-

Roxas gasped, sitting up in bed, the sheets twisted around him sticky with sweat. Trembling he threw the sheets off of him and moved to the edge of the mattress, panting as he tried to catch his breath, as he tried to convince himself he was above water, and that there was still air to breathe. A few minutes passed before he moved to touch his face, wiping the sweat from his forehead and cheeks, the remnants of salty tears still lingering there. Every night he relived that moment, the moment he had lost his family, and had watched his sister drown before his eyes. He had been so young, she had died so young…they had so much life to live, so much more to share before she was taken away. It was all he could think about. He lived her death.

It wasn't his fault really. If he had good memories of her, of his family, he would have much rather dreamed them instead. All he had was that last memory of her. Everything before the crash was a blur to him, a chaotic ball of light and sound he had no way of sorting through. Even now, three years later, his life before her death was a mystery to him. No matter how many stories he heard or how many picture albums he looked through nothing sparked a memory. It was like looking at someone else's life, and he just happened to be in the pictures.

Sighing, his pulse calmed to its normal rate, Roxas stood from his bed and made his way to the bathroom. He might as well get ready for school, it wasn't like he would be able to go back to sleep. Pulling the shower curtain back slightly he turned the knob, letting the water warm while he stripped down and turned towards the mirror. The scars were still there, they were every morning when he looked at himself, but they still startled him despite the time that had passed. A large star-shaped scar was planted in the middle of his forearm, right over the main vein running along the inside of his arm. The lock of the seatbelt had broken during the crash, and when Roxas had released it the jagged metal had carved a chunk out of his flesh. The water had been murky from his blood, turning the pristine blue a dull green. The cuts he'd received on the front and side of his legs, along with the right side of his hip when he had swam through the windshield had healed but had scarred badly. The scars were long and deep, pale pink and clearly visible against his slightly tanned skin. Pale or tan, nothing seemed to hide the marks. They were a constant reminder to him of her. She haunted him every moment of his waking and unconscious life.

The shower was quick, hurried even, as it was every morning. His fear of water was stressful enough to interfere with his daily life, and it was a common topic in his shrink sessions. It was irrational really; Roxas knew how to swim, he had been an accomplished competitive swimmer in middle school and the first two years of high school. He had also been the only one to survive the crash, proving he could make it out of the water if need be…but he couldn't bear it. The water retained the touch of her hand, that soft smile, and the slow chill of death in her eyes. The water was fear, and sadness, and loss. The water was Naminé.

Roxas dressed himself quickly, pausing only to spike his blonde hair and grab his backpack before heading out the door. He hated this house, the house he had moved into after the crash; it was quiet and dark and made him feel even more alone than he already did. Though the college wasn't open yet he set off towards the school, the horizon just barely hinting at the rising sun. It was cool and breezy, the autumn air rustling his hair and fluttering his hoodie and sweatpants as he jogged towards his destination. The running course used by the track team, his early morning pass-time.

He reached the college in little under a half hour, throwing his backpack down against a bench and stripping off his hoodie. He would be cold at first in nothing but sweats and a thin t-shirt but running would warm him up. He pulled his iPod from the front of his backpack and tucked his earbuds in his ears, then took off around the track. Roxas didn't know the artists or the names of the songs, but he knew Naminé would. It was her iPod after all. He ran mindlessly, listening to the songs his sister once listened to, memorizing lyrics and wondering what they had meant to her. He wanted to know her, wanted to remember her so badly. She had been a dancer, and a singer. He wondered what her voice had sounded like, what she had said to him under the water that last time…

The track team showed up after about an hour, but they were used to him by now. Roxas had been running the track in the early morning since he'd stopped swimming his junior year of high school. Now, as a freshman in college, he was a regular. One of the older boys, a red-headed senior, clapped him on the shoulder as he ran past, Roxas smiling at him lightly. Reno had been one of the first to befriend him when he'd started running, and always spoke to him when he got the chance. Reno and another senior, Zack, were the captains of the track team. They had given Roxas permission to run anytime he liked, and now that he was a freshman he'd been offered a place on the team. Roxas hadn't made up his mind yet.

A moment later Zack was at his side, Roxas pulling his earbuds out of his ears and looking up at the older boy. "Getting chilly, isn't it?" The senior asked, violet eyes shining, his long, dark hair pulled back in a ponytail.

"Yeah, winter will come early this year." The blonde replied, smiling at the other in a friendly manner. "I can't wait for the first snow." Zack smiled at him, pausing noticeably. Roxas shook his head. "I haven't decided. I'm sorry it's taking so long."

Laughing lightly, the older boy replied, "It's alright, we're just curious is all. You've been coming here every day to run for what, the past two and a half years?" He looked over his shoulder. "Reno's just wondering when you're gonna give in and join us already."

"Hey, don't act like it's all me!" The red-head scoffed as he passed them again. "The whole damn team's been asking us if you've said yes yet." The group of runners he passed laughed and looked back at Roxas, one waving while the others smiled.

Roxas smiled back, looking up at Zack again, "You said if I join the team I have to go to swim practice too, right?"

Zack nodded. "Yeah, once or twice a week after the gym. It helps reduce muscle strain and relax you, and doing laps helps with your endurance runs."

Nodding, the blonde slowed to a walk, Zack slowing down with him and staying by his side. "Yeah…I'm sorry, I just can't do that. I'd love to run with you guys, but I know as a member of the track team I have to follow the training guidelines…and swimming just isn't an option for me."

Tilting his head, Zack replied softly, "Reno said something to me about that. Is it because you don't know how to swim?"

Roxas hesitated then shook his head. "It's not that, I used to be on the swim team in high school…" He sighed, walking off the track to the bench where his backpack was laid against, stretching out his legs and arms to cool his muscles down as Zack watched him. "I just can't be around water anymore."

Sensing it wasn't something Roxas really wanted to talk about, the senior nodded. "Well I won't press you on the matter. Just know there's always a spot open for you if you change your mind, alright?"

Smiling up at the older boy, the blonde nodded in return. "Thanks, Zack. I appreciate it."

Reno ran by a moment later, taking Zack's arm and pulling him back onto the track. "Come on, captain, you're not done with your laps by a long shot!"

Laughing at one another the two boys took off around the track, leaving Roxas to himself. Resting for a moment before gathering his things Roxas walked across the lawn to the entrance of the school, heading across the interior of the building to the locker rooms. He needed a shower before classes started.

He stripped in the showers, washed quickly, and pulled a clean set of clothes out of his backpack, changing into jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt. He spiked his hair again, sprayed on some cologne, then pulled on his shoes and hoodie and set off towards the English building. Most of his classes this semester were centered around English, and at the Art building across the courtyard by the college library. His major was still undecided but he knew he wanted to do something involving literature or the arts. He just hadn't decided what.

Classes came and went, Roxas piling his books and homework into his backpack and heading towards the main building housing the bookstore and food courts. Demyx, Zexion, and Sora were there to greet him at their usual hangout point under a large tree outside of the main food court. Since the four boys had met at the beginning of the semester they had become good friends, Sora and Demyx his fellow freshmen while Zexion was already a sophomore.

The brunette waved him over when he noticed Roxas, grinning around his slice of pizza and motioning to the other two boys. Demyx was scarfing down a fruit salad while Zexion strummed on his guitar, the two boys looking up at Sora's excited motions and waving as well. "Well if it isn't our favorite artist!" Zexion said, smiling up at the blonde. "Come join us, Sora ordered an entire pizza." He eyeballed the brunette, who was smiling over at him innocently. "It's spicy chicken, olives, and pineapple. I'm sure you'll enjoy."

"Sounds…interesting?" Roxas replied with a smile, sitting down next to the younger freshman.

"I was just trying to make everyone happy." Sora said after swallowing a mouthful, looking over at Roxas with a pout. "I know you and Demyx like pineapple, and Zexion likes spicy chicken, and I like olives…"

Laughing, the blonde replied, "It's fine, Sora. I'll give you my olives and you can give me your pineapple. It'll be like a spicy Hawaiian style or something."

"See! At least someone's appreciative!" The younger said, sticking his tongue out at Zexion, who rolled his eyes and smiled.

Demyx, up-righting his bowl and slurping the juice out of the bottom, finished his fruit salad with a gasp. "Oh my god. So good. I want another one!"

"Ah, the joys of being a vegetarian…" Zexion said airily, "…for the past 48 hours."

The dirty blonde cut his eyes over at his friend, grinning wickedly. "That just means more pizza for you, Zexi."

Sora made an upset sound while Zexion gagged, Roxas laughing and pulling out his homework, then reaching for a slice of pizza. At the other boy's silence he looked up to see all eyes watching him, waiting for a reaction. "It's really not that bad, you know. After all, it's free pizza."

"I _know_!" the brunette said smiling victoriously. "They're so picky, the girls…"

"Who you callin' a chick, spikey?" Demyx retorted, reaching over and pulling the younger boy's cheek.

Zexion smiled, going back to strumming his guitar, and Roxas returned to his pizza and homework, trying not to think too much about the track team. It had been on his mind since Reno had asked him, but now that Zack had asked him about it again it was really bugging him. He wanted to run, he did. He wanted more friendships like those he shared with his artsy friends, and he liked Reno and Zack and the boys on the team…but his Aquaphobia wasn't something he could control. Aquaphobia, by definition, was an abnormal and persistent fear of water. It was a specific phobia that involved a level of fear beyond the sufferer's control, and that fear could grow to interfere with daily life. Roxas' problems with showering and bathtubs was evidence enough of that, and his constant anxiety about swimming.

For a long time Roxas didn't understand it, he knew what had happened had freaked him out and deeply affected him, but all evidence of the life he couldn't remember showed that he had loved to swim. He had so many pictures, metals, trophies; so many memories lost to the dark recesses of his mind. His shrink, Aerith, had explained it to him once. "People suffer from Aquaphobia in many ways and may experience it even though they realize the water in an ocean, a river, or even a bathtub poses no imminent threat. It's fear, Roxas. It's irrational, but it's something that you can conquer over time with help from friends and therapy." She had smiled at him softly, her long auburn braid tied back with a pink ribbon. "Those who suffer from Aquaphobia may avoid swimming in deep water despite having mastered basic swimming skills, so just because you know how to swim, and you know how to survive in the water, doesn't mean your fear will allow you to get anywhere near a situation like that. It doesn't have to be something like the ocean, it can be something as safe as a swimming pool, but if your Aquaphobia flares up your mind will lock your body up with fear, and it won't let you get anywhere close."

Roxas had tested that theory once before. It had been at a friend's house his junior year of high school for a birthday party. He hadn't wanted to get in the pool, but there had been a hot tub at the far edge of the patio that seemed harmless enough. He had sat on the edge, letting his feet and legs adjust to the water, and when he had readied himself to actually enter the hot tub his body wouldn't move. All he could do was stare into the bubbling water, his heartbeat pounding in his ears, before he forced himself out of the hot tub, back onto the deck, and ran inside. He'd nearly hyperventilated in panic.

He sighed to himself, letting his pencil drop between his textbook and shoving his homework to the side. He didn't want to ask either of the captains for special permission regarding anything, or not have to do something all his teammates were required to do; he wanted to be a _part_ of the team…to be one of them. And in order to do that he would have to figure out a way to overcome his fears and go to swim practice. He looked up, eyes trailing from Sora, to Demyx, then to Zexion. He'd never told them about his family, about the crash, or about Naminé. Starting college was so fresh and new, and his friends liked him so well, he didn't want to bring up his dark past and drag them down into it. He'd have to do this without them, but…how?

-x-x-x-

Roxas stood at the entrance to the gym, taking a deep breath and stepping inside. It was late afternoon, almost nightfall, and there were several people in the workout rooms hanging out and talking softly to one another. The radio played over the speaker system, some rock band Roxas didn't recognize. Naminé liked softer music, Indie and alternative, so he didn't listen to rock that much. Shifting the strap of his duffle bag higher on his shoulder he walked past the workout rooms down the hall and to the right, stopping at a desk and showing the girl there his college ID. She smiled at him, handed him a couple of towels, and waved him on. Stilling his beating heart he walked past her to the changing rooms, disappearing inside. The tile was cold even through his flip-flops, Roxas walking past the showers to the lockers and choosing one near the door to the pool. He stripped down to his swim trunks, grabbed a towel and shoved everything else in the locker. His flip-flops echoed through the room as he stepped up to the door, reached out a trembling hand, and slid the weighted gate open. The smell of chlorine filled his senses, the air damp and silent. There were several girls at the deep end of the pool, laughing and splashing one another as they took turns off the diving board. Roxas swallowed, taking a moment to calm himself, and then walked towards the shallow end, eyeing the too-blue water. He kicked off his sandals, laid his towel across the arm of a chair, and stood there looking at the pool. The shallow end was three and a half feet deep, about waist level, whereas the deep end looked to be about twelve feet. The water there was a deeper blue, gradually fading to a lighter aqua as it reached the shallow end. He reached up, touching his right hip, fingers flitting over the claw-like scars there. Waist deep. He could do this.

He took a step forward and a cold shiver passed through his entire body, fingers trembling as he reached up to run a hand through his spikes. He'd just stick his feet in, that's all he needed to do today. Not a big deal at all. The shallow end had a small series of steps leading into the water with a hand-rail resting in the middle. The first step was only a few inches under the surface. He reached out and clasped a fist around the cold metal bar, sticking his toes into the water. It was warm, as if the pool was slightly heated. It felt good against his chilled skin. He took another step in, stepping down into the water so it was up to his ankles. The next step went half-way up his calf, and the next reached his knee. He hadn't realize he was breathing hard until he noticed how silent the echoing enclosure had become, looking up to see the girls were out of the pool and walking towards the changing rooms, watching him with curiosity. _I must look like such an idiot…_

He waited until the girls were gone, then shakily sat down on the next step up, sighing and letting his reeling mind calm, threading his fingers through the water absently. He sat there for a small eternity, thinking about how calm and safe the water seemed, before the sound of a door opening interrupted his thoughts and a group of two boys and a girl walked in, the girl laughing and shoving the boy next to her before walking towards the water.

"No no, Olette. You can't just walk in. You gotta make a splash!" The boy said, his ash-blonde hair a ruffled mess. "Show her how it's done, Pence."

The chubby boy at his side grinned, his cheeks curving around his smile, his dark brown hair held back by a black and white headband. He cleared his through seriously, cracked his knuckles, then ran towards the middle of the pool while shouting, " _Cannon ball!_ "

The girl, who was wading into the pool beside Roxas, covered her face with her arms before Pence hit the water. Roxas was not so lucky, getting a face-full and mouthful of pool water. Sputtering he wiped his face and pushed his hair out of his eyes, cracking an eye open to glare over at the hefty boy. Pence, spotting Roxas' disgruntled look, grinned and said apologetically, "Sorry, man. Thought we were the only ones here."

"Boys, honestly." Olette said, huffing and tossing her long brown hair over her shoulder, her one-piece orange swimsuit clinging to her body now that she was wet. "Must you be so juvenile? We're in college after all."

"Meh, we're freshman." The first boy said, winking at her. "College maturity hasn't kicked in yet." As she rolled her eyes he ran towards the pool and jumped in, sending water everywhere.

"Hayner!" she shouted, coughing and swatting at the boy as he surfaced.

He fended her off half-heartedly, and then looked over at Roxas. "Hey, you want to play Marco Polo or something?"

"Nah, I'm fine. Thanks." Roxas replied, smiling lightly and trying to calm his nerves. Getting splashed the first time had been bad enough, but the second time had set him on edge. It reminded him of the wave rushing through the car, the water smacking him so suddenly in the face, shocking his senses and sending him into a panic…

The three played together for a while, Pence and Hayner taking turns tossing Olette into the deep end, and then wrestling one another in the shallow water. Eventually the dark-haired girl swam over and sat next to Roxas, watching her two friends roughhouse with a smirk. "Intelligent, aren't they?"

The blonde laughed lightly, replying, "As long as they're having fun it's alright, right?"

"I guess so." She replied with a soft laugh, looking up at him. "Are you waiting for someone?"

Roxas looked over at her, his blue eyes meeting her green. "N-no, I'm by myself. Just thinking, not really going to swim or anything."

"Ah, I know what you mean. The water can be really soothing and thought provoking. At home I like sitting on the beach and reading, letting the tide roll in around my feet." Smiling, she added at Roxas' silence, "Hayner and Pence, they're nice, once you get to know them."

He looked over at her and shook his head, "Sorry, it's not that really. I really am just lost in my own little world."

"Olette! Come swim some more!" Hayner called from the middle of the pool, the two boys looking over at her and Roxas.

Standing to her feet, she replied, "Just a sec! I'm going to call Selphie and see where the others are at!" Hayner waved her off, Pence whistling cat-calls at her as she walked back towards the changing rooms. The boys went back to splashing one another and wrestling, leaving Roxas to his own devices.

Roxas watched the two boys play together with a sigh. They were just roughhousing, nothing dangerous, and they were staying in relatively shallow water… Reaching up to grip the beam beside him, and then stood up and took another step into the water so he was actually standing in the pool. He hesitated a moment, letting his mind and body adjust, and then let go of the hand-rail. His heartbeat pounding in his chest, Roxas waited for the cosmos to explode, but when they didn't and his pulse quieted to a dull pounding drum, the blonde took a step further into the shallow water. The base of the pool in the shallow end was completely level until the middle of the pool, but then it began a steady descent into the deep end. Roxas was safe in the shallow water, he wasn't panicking, he wasn't having flashbacks, and given all accounts he was doing pretty okay. Hayner and Pence swam over to him, introducing themselves and asking about his classes with friendly smiles. Their talk distracted him from the water, and he slowly began to relax. Olette returned a few minutes later.

"Hey! Selphie said she and the girls are on their way."

"Was Axel coming?" Pence asked, squeezing his hands together and squirting her with water.

She shoved him lightly then replied, "I think so. Kairi and Yuffie are coming so they'll probably drag him along too."

"That girl has him on a frickin' leash." Hayner said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Laughing lighting, Olette turned to Roxas. "We all have this thing about swimming at night and playing Marco Polo. You'll have to forgive us, it gets rather repetitive if you're watching and not playing."

"Why wouldn't he play?" Hayner asked, reaching over and nudging Roxas. "You can join in, you're cool enough."

"I don't know about that." Roxas said with a laugh, "But I'll stay for a while, watch you guys play. It's not like I have anywhere else to be…" _…and maybe being around these guys will help me get over my fear of water, and I'll actually swim for the first time in three years…_

-x-x-x-

The others arrived about twenty minutes later, Olette stepping out of the pool to greet her friends. There were four girls and a boy; Hayner and Pence identified them as they walked over to the pool.

"The older girl is Larxene, and that's Selphie." Hayner said, pointing to the tall, lean blonde and then the brunette beside her. "The dark-headed one is Yuffie, and the red-head she's with is Kairi."

"Axel's the boy with them." Pence added, grinning. "He's Kairi's cousin. She drags him around everywhere, since she's still too young to drive."

"They're freshmen?" Roxas asked, waving as Olette pointed towards him, apparently noting him to the new arrivals.

"Larxene and Axel are juniors." Hayner replied. "The other three are freshies, we have classes together."

"Yeah, I'm a freshman too." Roxas said, watching as the others began making their way into the water. "This campus is so big; I guess we just haven't bumped into one another before."

Olette waded back over to them, Hayner pulling her close and backing into deeper water, the girl giggling and kicking her feet, splashing Pence and Roxas lightly.

"Come on, let's play chicken or something!" Yuffie said, pumping her fist in the air, her short black hair curving against her cheeks and her chocolate almond eyes dancing.

The girl at her side giggled, long magenta hair thrown over her shoulders as she put a hand on her hip. "No way, last time I won and you cried like a baby."

Yuffie looked over at her, scoffing lightly, "I was _fake _crying, duh."__

____

____

"Sounded real to me." Larxene said from behind them, grinning impishly at the shorter girl.

"Nah, bet you she got it from some drama club rehearsal." Axel said, the boy walking past the girls towards the deep end, smiling at Roxas. "They teach you how to fake everything."

"Yeah, Axel, tell us about faking it, would ya?" Yuffie teased, "How long did you go before you came out of the closet? Twenty years?"

He looked over his shoulder with a smile, retorting, "How long did it take _you_ Yuffie? Eighteen?"

"Seventeen, thank you." She said, splashing the red-headed boy. "You should know; you were there after all."

Roxas, who at first had thought the two were joking, blinked at the girl's response. Was she saying she was a lesbian, and Axel was gay? He watched the boy swim over to Hayner and Olette, lifting the girl up out of the water and tossing her into the deep end as she squealed. He couldn't be gay; he was tall, lean, muscular, and radiated testosterone. Roxas watched him curiously, trying to pick up anything on his gay-dar. Zexion was gay, but he played guitar, wore makeup, and liked to shop day and night…which seemed nothing at all like the tall red-headed boy before him. Cat green eyes looked up a moment later, Roxas blushing lightly and turning away from the other boy's gaze.

Kairi, Selphie and Larxene were lounging in the shallow end gossiping to one another while Pence hoisted Yuffie onto his shoulders, wading through the water to Axel, Hayner, and Olette. "I call cat fight with Olette!" Yuffie cheered happily, pointing at the other girl. "You are _so_ going down! Pick your mount wisely."

Olette looked between Hayner and Axel, and then said apologetically to the ash-blonde, "Axel is taller than you…"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure Kairi would have picked me…" the boy said, crossing his arms over his chest and pretending to pout.

"That's because Kairi doesn't want her cousin's head between her legs!" Yuffie said with a laugh, Axel rolling his eyes at her before lifting the brunette to his shoulders and helping her get her balance.

"I would have picked you too, Hayner." Selphie said with a giggle. "Axel's too tall for me, I feel like a giraffe when I'm perched on his shoulders."

Yuffie reached out and let Olette hold on to her, laughing at the other girl's lack of balance. "You know I'm not any good at this, Yuffie…"

"You're too top heavy!" the petite girl replied, her short, damp hair sticking to her cheeks. "Look at these things! What cup size are you now?"

"Yuffie!" Kairi exclaimed. "Not appropriate!"

"Oh right, sorry love." She said, turning from the magenta-haired girl and sticking her tongue out at the brunette before her. "I'm just kidding Olette. Your boobs are fine."

Kairi put her palm over her face, blushing furiously. "She's so embarrassing."

"You two are cute together," Selphie giggled, "has she talked you into dressing up for the Halloween Party yet?"

"I'm _not_ dressing up like a dominatrix for the college costume party! They take pictures you know! My parents are already freaking out about everything as it is…"

"I just want to see Yuffie dressed up as a sex slave, equipped with a spiked collar and cat ears." Larxene said with a devious grin. "You walking her around on a leash is just another amusing perk."

"Oh god," Kairi said, looking over at her with wide indigo eyes, "My cousin's been talking to you, hasn't he."

The blonde grinned, but didn't reply, turning her teal blue eyes towards Roxas. "You're a freshman, right?"

"Y-yeah…" Roxas replied, walking through the water to the group of girls.

"What's your major?" Selphie asked, her green eyes smiling at him.

"I haven't decided yet," the blonde boy replied, "I want to do something with the arts."

He allowed himself to sink a bit further into the water, settling beside the brunette as she asked him about the art department, revealing that she like to splatter paint in her free time. "It's so messy but I love it. I like doing it by hand or throwing darts at paint-filled balloons. It's really fun."

"That's really cool." The boy replied, smiling and nodding. "I'm more into sketching than painting, but I'll have to try that sometime."

"Look!" Larxene said, pointing towards the middle of the pool. Yuffie and Olette were wrestling one another atop the boy's shoulders, Hayner watching like a referee between the two towers. "Ten bucks says Olette pulls her hair."

"Ten bucks says Yuffie doesn't have enough hair for her to pull, but Olette will win anyway." Kairi giggled, cupping her hand around her mouth. "Get her, babe! Show her who's boss!"

Yuffie looked over, cheesing a grin, Olette choosing that exact moment to reach over and shove both of the smaller girl's shoulders, knocking both her and Pence backwards with a splash. They both came up sputtering, Pence reaching over and pulling Yuffie's head above water until she caught her breath. "Conspiring against me now?" she screeched, looking over at Kairi and the other girls. "Traitors!"

Larxene sighed. "Guess I owe you ten bucks."

Kairi started giggling uncontrollably, Larxene rolling her eyes and Selphie waving at her. "We love you, Yuu!"

"Yeah, yeah…" the girl muttered, sweeping her hair out of her eyes. "Just you wait…"

Axel ducked down in the water, Olette slipping off of his shoulders and swimming over to Yuffie. Hayner immediately pulled Axel into a headlock and dunked the taller boy under the water, the older boy reaching up an arm and dunking the blonde as he resurfaced. The two broke apart, Axel wringing out his long, spiked red hair while Hayner shook out his short ash-blonde locks. "I say it's time for the main event!" Hayner said, looking towards the shallow end. "Get over here girls, middle of the pool!"

Sighing, Larxene motioned for the others to follow and waded towards the middle of the pool, everyone except Roxas swimming after her. The blonde boy backed out of the shallow water and sat down on the bottom step, everything below his lower abs under water, keeping him pleasantly warm. He watched the group of friends gather together in the middle of the pool, Hayner, Yuffie, Larxene, and Axel playing rock-paper-scissors to see who would be the first "Marco". Larxene won, the blonde girl smiling impishly and covering her eyes with her hands, Axel taking her by the shoulders as everyone swam off towards the edges of the pool. When the others were a respectable distance away, he spun the girl around, careful not to dunk her under while he did so. He released her then swam away before she stopped spinning, the girl reaching out into the water to steady herself, eyes clenched shut. "Marco!" she chanted, her voice echoing off the walls.

Responses of "Polo" echoed in response, bouncing off of the glass walls and domed ceiling. Larxene swam towards the side of the pool, right towards Yuffie and Kairi. The two girls giggled and squealed, swimming away from their pursuer, the older girl latching onto the side of the pool before calling out again. The game went on for a while, Larxene eventually catching Kairi, who then caught Hayner, who had waded so far into the shallow end he nearly caught Roxas. They called it quits after a while, the sky pitch black outside the windows as they checked the time. It was late, and they all had school tomorrow. The boys headed to their changing room first, Hayner and Pence laughing and shoving one another playfully as Axel followed after them, shaking his head. He glanced back at Roxas, who was still sitting on the steps in the shallow end, holding his gaze for a moment before turning to follow after his friends. The girls took a bit longer, gathering their things and heading towards their changing room in a group, Larxene and Selphie ahead, Kairi, Yuffie and Olette behind.

Roxas sighed, pulling himself out of the water and walking up the steps carefully. The tile floor was slick and wet where the water had splashed past the lip of concrete surrounding the pool. He gathered his flip-flops and towel in his hands, turning from the pool towards the door leading into the changing rooms with a smile. He had spent all night in the water, even going so far as to wade waist deep, which was far more than he'd ever done since the crash. Maybe he would be able to do this after all…

The room leading to the girl's changing room burst open a moment later, Yuffie trotting past him towards the shallow end, saying exasperatedly at Roxas' confused look, "Kairi forgot her sandals, as usual."

He smiled at the girl, turning away from the pool, listening to the sound of her shuffling about, and then running back towards the door to the girl's changing room. She let out a sudden gasp, the sound of skin slapping against tile echoing in his ears, Roxas turning around just in time to see her slip and fall against the lip of the pool and crack her head, falling unconsciously into the deep end of the pool. Time froze, and Roxas felt as if his heart had stopped. A sudden image of Naminé smiling at him flashed through his mind…then an image of the lifelessness in her eyes as she twitched in the water as liquid filled her lungs…

Kairi stepped out of the changing room to look for Yuffie right as the dark-headed girl slipped into the water, dropping her towel and reaching up to her face, screaming, " _Yuffie!_ "

Axel appeared a millisecond later, darting from the changing room with wide eyes, "Kairi, what…"

Roxas' feet moved before he could think about what he was doing, racing to the side of the pool, arching his arms out before him and diving into the water. He wouldn't let her drown again, not this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aquaphobia is an actual phobia, and the way I described it is accurate according to everything I've read. Why did they crash? What happened to their parents? How did Roxas survive? What will happen to Yuffie? Will Roxas really be able to save her despite his intense fear of water?
> 
> More Aquaphobia to come!


	2. Tick-Tock

The water, which had been so warm before, was ice cold as it bit into his skin. His lean body pierced through the water, easily sending him half-way down the twelve foot plunge, eyes quickly adjusting to the sting of chlorine as he searched for the girl. She was bleeding, a trail of green following her slow descent to the bottom of the pool, bubbles drifting slowly from her half-parted lips. Roxas reached out, swimming deeper, kicking with strong legs that remembered the water so well it was uncanny even after all this time… An image of the pool at their summer house suddenly flooded through him, Naminé timing him as he learned to hold his breath, laughing and smiling at him. Her favorite watch was wrapped around her delicate left wrist, shining like gold in the sunlight.

Snapping back to reality Roxas' hand met Yuffie's shoulder, grabbing the girl's arm and pulling her up to him. She was heavy, like Naminé had been, when he pulled her lifeless body up through the waters to the surface with him, twigs and algae darkening her long golden-blonde hair against the muddy shore.

" _Naminé! Naminé please don't die! Don't die without me! Don't leave me here alone…_ "

The words rang hollow in his ears, the deafening sound of the water crushing his heart and lungs as he remembered, and then suddenly the sound of a clock began ticking deep within the water. That sharp chime that haunted his dreams, that sound that he heard above all else, above her last words…the tick-tock that drowned out his sister's voice… With a strong kick against the bottom of the pool Roxas propelled them up through the water, pushing Yuffie ahead of him so she surfaced first, strong hands taking her from him them helping him out of the water. He didn't see who was helping him, and he didn't care. All he knew was she had been underwater long enough for it to travel to her lungs, and she needed to breathe _now_. He crawled to Yuffie's shoulder, pumping her chest and pinching her nose before forcing air down her throat. Nothing happened, nothing changed except the sickening sound of his heartbeat in his ears throbbing dully like a hollow drum. Not this time, this was not going to happen. Not again! He locked his fingers and pressed against her chest; one, two, three, four, breathe…over and over, until he felt something give way.

Roxas withdrew from the girl and rolled her onto her side, slapping her back as she coughed up water and gasped in air. Her forehead was bleeding above her right eye, but other than that she seemed to be okay. Kairi and Olette were beside Roxas, pushing Yuffie's hair from her face and holding her shoulders, trying to calm her down as she returned to the land of the living. Roxas watched, heartbeat still drumming in his head, loud and overpowering. He didn't realize how badly he was shaking until Axel pressed a hand to his back, saying something to him the blonde couldn't understand. He heard the sound of someone breathing, hard and loud as if in panic, but it didn't register in his mind who it was until strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him against a broad chest.

"Easy, Roxas. Easy. She's okay, you saved her. Yuffie's okay…"

He could feel his breath hard and shaking against the older boy's chest, and then he realized it was _him_ , and he was hyperventilating. He swallowed; trying to calm his racing heart, trying to block the images of his sister twitching in the water, the sound of her watch, and then the sound of nothing…it was too much for him to take. He burst into tears.

Groggily Yuffie sat up, Kairi helping support her and watching her carefully. "W-what happened?" The small girl winced, reaching up to her forehead, pulling her hand away and gasping. "I'm bleeding! Kairi?" She looked up at the other girl, confusion across her face. "Why am I bleeding?"

Laughing softly, wiping her runny nose from where she'd been crying, the magenta-haired girl replied, "You fell; you hit your head and fell into the pool. Roxas saved you…"

Yuffie hesitated a moment, realization flashing in her eyes as she turned around, searching for the boy, "Roxas? I-"

The boy didn't hear her, too lost in his emotions. He curled up against the other boy's chest and just let go, crying like he hadn't in a long time. Yuffie looked up to Axel, who returned her look with worry, then the petite girl crawled over to Roxas on hands and knees and clasped her small hands around his upper arm, pressing her cheek against his shoulder.

"Thank you, Roxas." She said gently. "Thank you for coming to get me."

That time he heard her soft words, looked over to the girl through his tears, and moved to embrace her. Roxas pulled Yuffie to him, Axel letting him go and watching the exchange silently. Still crying, he wrapped his arms around her and held her close, the girl's small arms wrapping around his sides and resting on his back. "I'm sorry," he cried, shaking against her, "I'm so sorry…"

Arching her brow with worry, Yuffie said softly, "No, I'm sorry for scaring you; I didn't mean to upset you…"

Roxas pulled away from her, shaking his head. He held her shoulders for a long moment then let her go, Kairi stepping up to her and taking her hand, helping the girl to her feet. "Let's get you cleaned up, alright?"

Yuffie nodded, letting Kairi lead her back to the changing rooms, Larxene, Selphie, and Olette following after them and tittering about antiseptic and Band-Aids. Hayner and Pence exchanged a glance, the ash-blonde asking, "Are you okay?"

Roxas nodded, wiping his face, shoulders trembling as he sat awkwardly beside the edge of the pool. Axel looked over at the boys and tilted his head towards the door, Pence taking Hayner's arm and pulling him along, leaving Axel and Roxas alone by the water. The red-head waited until the other boys had disappeared through the door, then reached over and touched Roxas' shoulder again, the blonde trembling under his hand. He made a soft, wounded sound, lowering his head and clenching the edge of his swim-trunks in his hands, squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to stop the tears threatening to pour down his cheeks.

The older boy, not sure what to do, moved a bit closer and whispered, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Roxas sniffed, and then shook his head. Axel sighed silently before reaching up and pulling the younger boy into his arms, pressing his chest to the blonde's back in an effort to ground the boy to reality. Whatever thoughts he was trapped in were dark and hurtful. Axel didn't want to leave him alone; he wanted Roxas to know he was there, even if the younger made no move to acknowledge his presence. They sat there for a long time, Roxas shaking and fighting his emotions, Axel holding him gently and waiting for the younger to calm down. Eventually the blonde pressed back against the taller boy, settling into his arms and looking over his shoulder slightly, offering his comforter a small smile. Axel ran his thumb against the younger boy's skin gently, patiently waiting for whatever was to come. There was nothing for a long time, but then Roxas moved to his knees and stood to his feet, looking out across the water.

"My sister, Naminé." He whispered; his voice soft as it echoed across the room. "She drowned when I was fifteen."

Axel stood up beside him, Roxas looking over at him with tear stained eyes. "I'm sorry…" he whispered back, waiting to see if the younger boy would continue.

He didn't, after all Roxas didn't want to talk about it, but he felt that after the older boy had sat there in a cold puddle of water holding him while he cried he owed him some sort of explanation, no matter how small it may be. He turned to face the taller boy, noticing for the first time the small black tattoos on his cheeks resembling teardrops, and smiled gratefully. He walked back to gather his towel and flip-flops, then walked to the changing room after looking back at the other boy one last time. Axel returned his gaze, but when he passed through the door the red-head didn't follow him.

-x-x-x-

Roxas panted, legs burning as he ran around the track. He finally remembered something about his past, finally after all this time. Those sparse few moments of sunlight and laughter; a white marble-tiled pool, tall rich green trees framing the edge of the fence line, his sister sitting so daintily in a white and pink polka-dot bikini clutching a stopwatch…the images were all so new to him, but so familiar. His first memories…but why had they surfaced now? With alternative punk blasting in his ears he tried to remember the lyrics his sister must have loved so well, whispering the words softly. It was early, no one was at the track yet, but he'd been here for hours. He didn't have class today, it was Saturday after all, and he hadn't been back to the pool since the incident with Yuffie. He wondered if he would ever see them again, the friends he'd made that night. If he returned to the swimming pool maybe…but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

It had been a week since he'd had that first memory, but there hadn't been any more to follow. When he'd gone to see Aerith on Thursday afternoon she'd been just as baffled as he had, but explained that even this slight bit of insight to his past meant he was making progress. Whatever he had been doing at the time he needed to do again, and see if more memories surfaced. Since the pool was off limits and he wasn't planning on being in a situation to save a girl from drowning again, he wasn't exactly sure how to do that. Had it been the water that had triggered his thoughts? Or saving Yuffie?

Roxas sighed and pushed the thoughts back, running the memory of his sister by the pool over and over in his mind. She was alive, and happy, and with him. It was the first time he could think about her without remembering her death. He wanted to remember more.

-x-x-x-

Demyx wrapped his arm around Roxas' neck when the blonde stepped through the door, the taller boy pulling him down into a headlock and ruffling his spikes. Grunting and trying to pry the older boy's arm from his neck, Roxas panted, "Dem! Off! Now!"

The dirty-blonde pulled away with a grin, backing away from the front door to his spot on the living-room couch next to Sora, who was curled up against a massive body pillow playing Sudoku. Zexion was sitting cross-legged on the floor beside the couch, strumming his guitar absently. His slate-blue hair was across his eyes as usual, but the back and sides were swept up into high pigtails, the teal extensions highlighting the underside of his pigtails and the back of his neck and shoulders vibrant against his pale skin. Roxas smiled at the older boy, kicking off his sneakers and shrugging off his hoodie as he settled beside him in the floor. "Are you excited about tonight?"

Zexion returned his smile, replying, "I'm glad everyone's coming. I know it's not something you're used to…"

"I've been before." Demyx said, looking to Sora. "But I know this one hasn't for sure. We'll have to find a better outfit for him before we leave, or they'll eat him alive."

"What's wrong with my clothes?" Sora said incredulously, pulling at the black and white striped long sleeved t-shirt hugging his torso. "I love this outfit! This shirt looks amazing with my skinny jeans and Converse…"

"Sora," Demyx said, patting the brunette's shoulder, "You realize you're extremely attractive dressed all emo, right?"

Blue eyes blinked at the dirty-blonde questioningly. "It's bad to be…attractive?"

Zexion giggled softly, "At a Drag Show it can be, that is unless you want the extra attention."

Sora thought about that a moment, then his entire face turned scarlet. "You mean other boys might try to hit on me?"

"You do give off the gay vibe, Sora." Roxas said with a grin, the younger boy pulling at his sleeves and looking as if he were about to die from embarrassment.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure the bouncers know to look out for you." Zexion consoled, strumming his guitar. "And as long as you stay with Demyx and Roxas you shouldn't have anything to worry about." He looked up at the older blonde, scowling lightly. "Don't scare him, Dem. You know how fun _Orion's_ is."

"Oh yeah," the boy replied, nudging the brunette at his side, "We'll have loads of fun, so don't freak out before we even get there."

"I'll let you borrow my hoodie," Roxas offered, "If you get uncomfortable you can wear it tonight. It's so big it'll hide your good looks for sure."

Huffing and rolling his eyes the youngest of the boys smiled. "Thanks, I feel so much better."

Roxas and Demyx laughed, Zexion setting his guitar to the side and walking towards the hallway leading to the back half of the house. "I'm going to change and fix my makeup, then we can leave. I want to get there early so I can introduce you to everyone."

"We're meeting his band-mates tonight, right?" Sora asked, looking from Demyx to Roxas.

The blonde nodded, "That's what he told me earlier. This is their first gig of the semester. Apparently a lot of people are going to be there."

"Yeah, it's really cool that they got the first show of the season." Demyx added, grinning at the two other boys, "It means they're doing really well in the local band scene."

Roxas smiled in return, reaching up the leg of his jeans absentmindedly and tracing the outline of Naminé's iPod in his pocket. It had been so long since he'd listened to anything besides her music. Maybe tonight he would find something that he liked of his own tastes.

-x-x-x-

The club was bigger than Roxas had thought it would be, Sora clinging to his arm and following after him as they weaved through the line of people already forming at the front door. Zexion led them through the gates, nodding to the tall, muscular man standing guard as if they knew one another. The bouncer let the boys pass without a word. Inside the lights were brightly colored yet dimmed against the haze in the air; a fog machine pouring out fake clouds from the left side of the stage, somewhere hidden in the shadows. Demyx turned when they reached the stage, looking around and saying appreciatively, "They've changed it since I was here last, we came here my senior year of high school for a friend's twenty-first birthday. The lights were different, and I think the bar was smaller than it is now."

"They've made a lot of improvements." Zexion replied, tossing his hair over his shoulder and looking back for Roxas and Sora. "You two okay over there?"

"Yeah, we're fine!" the blonde called back, Sora completely oblivious as he looked around the club, gasping and pointing out things he found interesting. Roxas watched over him with a smile, pulling him to his side when a tall, intimidating man worked his way over to them.

"Are you kids drinking tonight?" he asked, looking them over questioningly.

"N-no…" Sora said, squeezing Roxas' arm nervously. "We're not old enough…"

The man reached out and look the brunette's wrist, lifting his hand, and marked a large "X" across the back of his hand with a sharpie. When he looked to Roxas the blonde boy gave him his hand, and the man did the same thing. "You kids have fun." He said, stepping past them to Demyx and Zexion. He marked them both, then sauntered off towards the entrance to mark those waiting to get into the club.

"It's so the bartender knows not to give us alcohol." Demyx explained when Roxas and Sora walked over to the stage. "They've had problems with underage kids getting drunk before. A lot of angry parents in a college town can give a place a bad reputation, quick."

Zexion, who had been setting his guitar and microphone up onstage, stepped down to Demyx's side in a flash of glitter. "Okay guys, let's go find my band. I'm sure they're around here somewhere."

"You look so pretty, Zexi." Sora said in awe, looking the older boy over with wide eyes as they walked across the club.

The boy giggled, his slate-grey eyes framed by silver star-glitter and heavy black eyeliner and mascara. His lips were a brilliant shade of blue to match his blue corsette, and his silver bangles contrasted with the sleek arm-length black gloves covering his pale arms. His short skirt was black with silver trim, layers of multicolored blue cloth scrunched together underneath it to give the skirt a frilly look. Silver fishnet twisted across his long legs, his tall black high-heeled boots ending right below his knees. A silver locket wrapped around his neck and silver star-shaped hoops dangled from his ears. The greenish tint of his teal extensions made his hair brighter than the rest of his attire and brought attention back to his eyes. He was stunning, Roxas admitted. He'd never seen the boy dressed in total drag before.

A cat-call whistle sounded from the far end of a bar, cheers erupting from a group of two girls and two boys, one of the boys moving behind the bar to greet the new arrivals. "Hey, Zexi!" The boy greeted, ruffled pink hair framing his face. "You're looking amazing, as usual."

"Marluxia, you tease! Stop harassing the boy." One of the girls called, the boy looking over at her and scowling.

Zexion smiled and stepped over to the bar, leaning in and offering his cheek to the bartender. The older boy smirked and planted a kiss on Zexion's cheek, then whispered something in his ear that had the drag queen laughing and slapping his shoulder. He turned and looked over his shoulder, motioning to the boys following him. "These are my friends from school; Demyx, Roxas, and Sora. Watch out for them tonight, okay?"

Marluxia nodded, smiling at the younger trio. "No problem. Any friend of Zexi is a friend of mine."

"Same here." Demyx grinned, reaching over the bar and clasping hands with the older boy. They shared a friendly moment of contact before the bartender pulled away, walking back over to the group he'd been with before. Zexion followed after him, motioning for his friends to follow.

The first band-mate that moved to greet the boy was a spunky girl with bright green eyes and long blonde hair piled atop her head in a series of braids. "How's our little starlet tonight?" She teased, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and hugging him against her side.

"I'm pumped up! Totally excited about this." He replied, grinning.

The girl next to the blonde moved into the light offering Zexion a fist, which the boy bumped with his own. "We're excited to have you. It's gonna be great, for sure." She said, her voice soft and deep. Her contacts were ruby red and shimmered in the low-light of the bar, her dark, short hair feathered into a fohawk. She was clad in leather and studs, the metal of her outfit glinting when she moved to wrap an arm around the blonde girl's waist. "Rikku, baby, you want to go check on that amp again? See if the tech's got it working…"

"Yeah!" the younger girl said cheerily, sliding off of her stool and taking the taller girl's hand, leading her across the dance floor to the right side of the stage where a large curtain fell across a double-doorway.

"Something's always gotta fuck up before the show, right?" Marluxia chided, resting his chin in his hand as he leaned against the bar. "It's like karma for this place."

"You know I don't believe in karma, Marl." the other boy said, sliding onto the stool where the blonde girl had been sitting. "Stage jitters, that's all it is. The amp will be fixed before we go on. Everything will work out." He looked over at Zexion, revealing deep sapphire eyes half-hidden under jagged blonde hair. "Right, Zex?"

"That's how it goes." The boy replied, smiling at the older boy. "Cloud, these are my friends…"

"Let me guess," he older boy said, holding up a hand to stop the younger boy from continuing. His eyes danced from Demyx, to Sora, and then to Roxas. "There's the younger twin you've been telling me about. He does look a lot like me."

"Roxas." The younger blonde offered, Cloud nodding at him in greeting.

"And the kid's gotta be Sora." The older boy continued, looking the brunette over and grinning deviously before asking his band-mate. "Are you sure he's not gay?"

Sora's face lit up like a torch, Demyx and Zexion laughing while Roxas patted the boy's shoulder gently. He looked up at Roxas, a pout across his lips. "Maybe I shouldn't have left your hoodie in the car…"

"And that means you're Demyx." Cloud finished, nodding to the dirty-blonde. "Welcome to _Orion's_ guys. Hope you enjoy the gig." He stood from the stool, nodded to Marluxia, and then turned back to look at the younger boys. "I'm going to steal Zex from you guys so we can go warm up. Find a spot near the stage where we can keep an eye on you, or stay within earshot of Marl. He'll look out for you."

The pink-haired man smiled at them, then began pulling bottles of liquor off the shelves and glasses out from underneath the bar. "We'll be opening soon, so let me know what you boys decide to do."

Cloud walked off in the direction the two girls had gone, Zexion turning to Demyx, Roxas, and Sora. "Okay, I'll find you guys after we're done. If for some reason you can't find me just ask Rikku or Paine. They'll head to the bar once they're offstage, and they'll usually be right around this same spot." Demyx arched an eyebrow, about to ask a question, but Zexion answered it for him. "Rikku is the blonde, she plays keyboard. Paine is her girlfriend, she'll be on the drums."

"Gotcha." Demyx replied, giving the other boy a thumbs-up.

The drag queen rolled his eyes then looked between the tree boys with a growing grin. "Wish me luck!"

-x-x-x-

The club was packed, Sora and Demyx pressed close to one another at the front of the stage, Roxas a few yards to the right watching for Zexion to step onto the stage. Sora leaned over the rail in front of the stage, waving at Roxas, who waved back then shooed him away, looking helplessly at Demyx. A bouncer would be after him if he didn't watch it, they weren't supposed to lean over the rail separating the audience from the band on stage. Not that _Orion's_ was known for being rowdy or having mosh-pits, but that was always a possibility. Demyx caught his look and pulled Sora back, cupping his hand over his mouth and saying something to the brunette. Sora nodded and backed away Roxas loosing sight of them in the crowd. At least they were together; he knew Demyx would take care of the younger boy.

A mic screamed and guitar cords sounded over the speaker system, the crowd cheering as the lights flashed and the members of _Cyber Venus_ took their places across the stage, Cloud grabbling the mic on the front stand and pumping his fist in the air. "Welcome to the first night of _Orion's_ reopening since their renovations this summer! We're here to play for you tonight!"

"We love you _Venus_!" a girl shouted, her voice vaguely familiar as Roxas turned and looked through the crowd.

"Knock 'em dead, Cloud!" Another voice called, the crowd cheering as the blonde pulled the electric guitar from the stand at his side and slid the strap over his shoulder, releasing the mic stand and taking a step back.

A few boys whistled from nearby, Cloud laughing softly into the mic, then glancing over at Zexion. The boy had his own guitar at the ready, light reflecting off of the shining pearl inlay wrapped around the blue chameleon skin like wild vines. Looking over his other shoulder at the girls, Rikku hit a few keys on her keyboard, Paine tapping a drumstick against a cymbal.

The instant they began to play Roxas knew he liked them. They were alternative, but hard enough to be rock if they wanted to be. Rikku and Zexion were on backup vocals, while Cloud took the spotlight in the middle, his voice strong and powerful as he began to sing.

" _We parked our car on the lower eastside,  
And that's when she caught my eye, yeah,  
She dressed so scandalous but girls like that don't mess with guys like us!  
But I need to know her name…_  


_When I hit that floor gonna give her more than she bargained for!  
_

_Hey! You know ~  
Love how your body flows!  
Hey! You know ~  
Let's see how far this goes…_  


_Tension so thick girl I can't wait  
To see how well your moves translate,  
Think you're more than I can take…_"  


Roxas was amazed at how many people sang with the band when Cloud hit the chorus, grinning and watching Zexion as the boy played alongside his band-mates. He looked like a girl up there under the lights, his makeup sparkling and his bangles flashing. The blonde was sure some of the cat-calls coming from the crowd weren't only aimed at Cloud.

The people around him shifted, a familiar voice coming to his ears, and then suddenly a hand grabbed his arm. "Roxas!"

The boy turned to see Yuffie, the petite girl pulling Kairi along with her as they made their way to the front of the crowd, the girls smiling at him and finding a spot beside him to stand. "How are you?" He asked over the music, Kairi nodding and Yuffie shouting back;

"We're great!" she beamed, "Everyone's here, they're trying to make their way to the front to see Cloud!" She looked around lifting her arms in the air along with Kairi's, the red-head laughing and smiling at her girlfriend. "This is amazing! Yeah!"

Roxas searched the crowd for a moment, looking for any sign of her companions, but turned back towards the stage when the lead singer began again.

" _Now I'm staring so hard she's got to feel it!  
Baby this ain't the look of love, no,  
Chassis like a Cadillac ~  
Curves so tight that I might crash,  
But, hot damn what a way to go!_  


_We meet on the floor ~  
She's never seen moves like this before!  
Heading for the door ~  
Gonna give her more than she bargained for…_  


_Hey! You know ~  
Love how your body flows!  
Hey! You know ~  
Let's see how far this goes…_  


_Tension so thick girl I can't wait  
To see how well your moves translate,  
Think you're more than I can take…_"  


Cloud had noticed Yuffie by then, walking across the stage to her and Kairi, winking at them and rocking out an amazing guitar solo. He backed off after a minute, letting Zexion have his time in the spotlight, the younger boy getting an amazing about of applause and cheers from the riled up crowd.

"Wow, she's good!" Kairi shouted to Yuffie, the girl nodding in agreement.

Roxas grinned, shaking his head. "That's a boy!" He said to her over the music. "His name's Zexion, he has art classes with me!"

The two girls exchanged an amazed look and returned to watching the band, cheering even harder than before. _I guess by supporting others they help to support themselves…_ Roxas thought to himself, smiling at the two when he noticed their interlaced fingers. A boy stepped up to his side a moment later, and another boy stepped up to Yuffie, Roxas instantly recognizing Hayner and Pence. The ash-blonde nudged his shoulder and waved at him, Roxas giving a small wave in return. Pence, on the other hand, turned from Yuffie to scuff him across the arm, play-punching him and cheesing a grin at the blonde boy's scowl. Olette pulled him away from Roxas a moment later, giving him an apologetic look then shaking a finger at the hefty dark-headed boy before pointing to the stage. Cloud was pointing at them and singing, the girls cheering and waving at him.

 _"Hey! You know ~  
Love how your body flows!  
Hey! You know ~  
Let's see how far this goes…_  


_Tension so thick girl I can't wait  
To see how well your moves translate,  
Think you're more than I can take…_"  


The song ended, the crowd went crazy, and suddenly Roxas was swept away by the two boys back towards the middle of the club, Hayner pulling him and Pence pushing him through the mass of people to a small clearing where Larxene, Selphie, and Axel were standing around talking about the performance. The two girls looked up and greeted Roxas, Axel smiling at the blonde and nodding to him. Roxas gave the older boy a soft smile and nodded back, then turned to look at Larxene when she greeted someone.

"Zack! What did you think? Do you like the new guitarist?"

Roxas followed the girl's gaze to the tall, dark-headed senior making his way towards them, Reno following behind. "Yeah, kid's got some talent. You pick them well, Larx."

The blonde girl grinned. "He wasn't that hard to find, he sits around campus all day with his guitar. I'm just glad I asked him about joining the band before someone else snatched him away."

"I still can't believe that she's a boy…" Selphie said, watching the stage curiously. "I wonder what he looks like out of drag."

"Less glittery, I'm sure." Zack laughed, then noticed Roxas. "Hey! What are you doing here?"

Reno noticed him too, stepping past Axel and Hayner to wrap an arm around his neck. "Roxie Heart! Don't tell me you swing for the same team too?"

Blushing, he rolled his eyes and the tall red-headed senior and batted him away. "I'm here with some friends. Zexion's taking some classes with me, we came to watch him play."

Looking over at Zack with a devilish grin, Reno said, "Notice how he avoids a direct answer."

Roxas, embarrassed as hell, glanced over at Axel to see the boy was watching him with a grin. For some reason the look in those green eyes caused a wave of heat to wash over him, the blonde looking away and trying to spot Sora and Demyx in the crowd. "I have to go find my friends, we were supposed to meet up once Zexion was done."

"You don't want to go swimming out there alone, trust me." Larxene said, propping a hand on her hip. "Crowd surfing is bad enough, but trying to weave back through the sea to get to the stage is just plain suicidal."

Pence nodded, rubbing his arm, "I think I got elbowed more times in the past five minutes than I have the entire time I've known Hayner."

The ash-blonde cut his eyes over at the chubby boy threateningly, then looked to Roxas. "Want us to go with you? Help you find them?"

The blonde shook his head. "I'll be fine." He looked between the faces surrounding him, asking Zack, "Are you guys staying for a while?"

Violet eyes flashed, the senior nodding. "We're going to hang out for a bit, chill with the band. I'm sure Cloud will want to dance for a while."

Confused but not so presumptuous to ask any more questions, Roxas replied, "I'll make my way back over here once I find them." He looked to Selphie. "I'll introduce you to Zexion!"

"Sounds good!" the brunette replied.

Larxene nodded. "We'll be here. Be careful in there."

"I will." Roxas replied with a soft laugh. He turned from the group of friends and headed back into the crowd, forcing his way towards the front of the stage where he had last seen Sora and Demyx.

Larxene and Selphie exchanged a glance as they watched the blonde go, the younger girl asking, "Is he going to be okay going by himself? The club is pretty packed, and he didn't seem like he knew his way around that well…"

The blonde girl sighed, looking from Selphie to Axel, the red-head nodding. He waved at Zack and Reno, then turned into the crowd, following after the path Roxas had taken.

-x-x-x-

Axel caught up with the younger boy easily, taking his wrist and pulling the blonde to him gently once Roxas looked back at him. "Let me go first, I'll make a path for you."

Roxas hesitated then nodded, letting Axel slide past him and take his hand, the older boy's broad shoulders and strong arms pushing people aside enough that the smaller boy could follow after with relative ease. Blue eyes moved from muscled shoulders down his arm to their hands, Axel's long fingers cupping his hand sideways, his thumb pressed to Roxas' palm. His skin was warm, soft even; like it had been that night when he'd held Roxas as he cried…

Blushing and looking away he pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind. He barely knew Axel, he shouldn't be thinking about the way his skin felt against his own, or the way his cologne smelt like spiced apple, or the way his voice reverberated through him, deep and soothing… The older boy stopped before Roxas realized, the younger boy bumping into him lightly and looking up into cat-green eyes with a fierce blush. "Sorry!" he said over the music, Axel shaking his head and surveying the crowd around him.

"We're near the stage, do you see them anywhere?"

Roxas, standing on his toes to see over the heads of dancing people nearby, sighed and shook his head. "I can't see anything! Maybe I-"

Strong arms wrapped around his waist and lifted him into the air, Roxas letting out a started sound and latching on to Axel's shoulders, looking down at the red-head in disbelief. "Look again." Was all the older boy said, grinning and watching the blonde with mischief in his eyes.

Roxas did so after he managed to tear his eyes away, trying to ignore the fact that his ass was pretty much in Axel's face. He looked around for a moment to no avail, then spotted the two off to the far right, against the wall where there weren't so many people. "Over there!" Roxas shouted, pointing in the direction of the two boys. They looked like they'd been trying to make their way to the bar, but had been blocked by several dancers and a couple who were hardcore making out.

Axel carefully let the blonde slide down through his arms until his feet touched the floor, the blonde looking up at him with an incredulous expression. "Well it worked, didn't it?" Axel replied, trying to hide his grin from the younger boy.

Roxas watching him for a moment then relented, smiling as well. "Yeah, I guess it did."

Axel pointed the way the blonde had a moment before, the boy nodding. They wove through the crowd towards the wall, passing the dancers and the lip-locked couple, until Roxas spotted his friends. Demyx saw him first, raising a hand and waving, Sora looking up a moment later. "Hey! We were looking for you!" Sora exclaimed, looking from Roxas to Axel. "Hi, I'm Sora."

"Axel." The red-head replied.

"I'm Demyx," the other boy offered, running a hand through his dirty-blonde hair and shifting his gaze to Roxas. "Are we going to look for Zexi ourselves? Or should we go find Rikku and Paine?"

"The girls will be at the bar," Axel said, the younger boys looking over at him, "Might be the safest place to wait. This crowd's getting pretty rough."

"Yeah, Zexion said if we couldn't find him to go ask the girls." Roxas replied, the red-head nodding.

"To the bar it is then!" Demyx cheered, Sora rolling his eyes and motioning to the giant "X" across the back of his hand. "Oh yeah…forgot about that."

"Like you drink anyway," Roxas teased, Demyx sticking his tongue out at him.

"I could start." The dirty-blonde replied, wincing as heavy metal began pouring through he speakers of the club. "Ah, dance music for people who liked getting punched in the face."

"It won't be this wild after the first week." Axel told the other boy, leading the younger three as they made their way towards the bar. " _Orion's_ is more into bands that don't scream, and you can actually understand the lyrics."

"They should have just let _Cyber Venus_ keep playing." Demyx added, "They're good together, and that Cloud guy is a hell of a singer."

"That's what they say." The singer replied, Roxas realizing they had finally reached the bar and letting out a sigh of relief. The blonde musician was sitting on a stool beside Paine, Rikku curled up in the older girl's lap drinking something fruity. Zexion was nearby talking to Marluxia, the bartender handing him something green with a lime squeeze on the rim. He turned around to see his friends and a wide smile broke out across his face, pigtails bouncing as he walked over and threw an arm around Sora in an embrace, then Roxas and Demyx. "Oh em gee guys, that was _so_ much fun, right?"

Demyx blinked at the boy, asking, "How many of those have you had already?"

"Two," Paine said, looking over at the boys, "but they're not very strong, they'll just make him flirty."

"And très femme." Rikku said with a giggle, Zexion looking over at her with a pout.

"I am _not_ femme!" he said, sipping at his drink and leaving blue lipstick on the glass. "I'm like, the straightest drag queen you'll ever meet!"

"Totally…" Rikku said with a laugh, Paine smiling and kissing her neck gently.

Cloud smiled at the newest member of the band, looking to Roxas. "He's not driving is he?"

"Nah, I drove." Demyx said, Roxas nodding in affirmation. "He'll be fine. He deserves a drink after a performance like that."

"We were _so_ awesome, you have _no_ idea…" Zexion drawled, making kissy faces at Cloud. "We have such an amazing vocalist, and such an amazing band, and _oh mah gawd_ what is that chick doing in those _horrifying_ yellow pants?"

Demyx burst out laughing Sora arching his brow worriedly and looking between the two boys, "Umm, should we be letting him have that? I mean, he's being kind of loud isn't he?" the brunette asked, looking around for the girl Zexion had been talking about.

"He'll be fine, Sora. Trust me." Demyx replied, winking at the younger boy. "I'm sure you'll be just as silly one of these days when we get you to try a few mixed drinks."

"Eww…" The younger boy wrinkled his nose and made a disgusted sound. "Alcohol tastes gross."

Axel laughed softly, listening to the other boys talk back and forth, then leaned in to Roxas and asked, "Can I talk to you for a minute?" The blonde looked up at the older boy, nodding. He took the red-head's offered hand and followed after him to a remotely quiet corner of the club, waiting for the other boy to continue as he watched their friends across the bar nearby. "I never got around to it before, but I wanted to say thank you for saving Yuffie." Roxas looked up at the older boy, blinking in surprise. He hadn't been expecting the junior to bring it up, he hadn't thought about it all night. "If something were to happen to Yuffie…it would break Kairi's heart. You don't know how much it meant to her, and to me, for you to just dive in after her like that and pull her out, then give her CPR until she came back. It was…it was a big deal, what you did for her, Roxas." The older boy searched his eyes, eyebrows arched slightly. "I don't know if you realize how much you did to save her life."

Roxas held Axel's gaze for a moment then looked away. "I know…"

The older boy hesitated, then asked, "Your sister, you said she drowned?"

The blonde tensed, but looked up and met the other boy's eyes again. "Yeah, three years ago."

Axel searched his eyes, green mirroring blue, before he softly asked, "When you told Yuffie you were sorry, you weren't talking to her were you?"

Roxas swallowed, fighting back the cold feeling in his chest, and the prick of tears in the corners of his eyes. "By the time I pulled Naminé from the water it was already too late. The paramedics…they said I did everything I could have done to save her. It wasn't enough."

"You know that it wasn't your fault, right?" Axel asked gently, cupping the boy's shoulder. "If you tried to save your sister…the way that you saved Yuffie…there was nothing more you could have done."

The blonde shook his head, looking down and clenching his hands into fists. "You don't understand, you couldn't; even I don't understand. I have this feeling deep inside of me, like all of it was my fault…"

Axel stroked his thumb across Roxas' shoulder, trying to comfort the younger boy. "What happened?" He asked, wondering if the other would answer.

Reaching up, Roxas fisted the fabric of Axel's shirt in his hands, taking a step closer. The older boy waited silently, watched as the younger boy lifted his head, and saw the shimmer of a tear streak down his cheek. "I don't know. I can't remember anything before we hit the water. I don't remember anything. I don't know why it happened, but I can't help but think that somehow it was because of me..." He looked up, tear-lined blue meeting brilliant green, "…that somehow Naminé's death was my fault."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roxas finally remembered something from his past, but the questions he needs answered the most are still hidden deep in the dark… How will he ever trigger his memories if he can only do so by facing his worst fear? Will his newfound friendships and his revelations to Axel help him on his path to conquering his phobia?
> 
> Song from Club Scene: Ms. Shapes by Bedlight for Blue Eyes
> 
> More Aquaphobia to come!


	3. Captured in Blue

When Roxas and Axel returned to their friends Zexion was sipping at yet another fruity drink, Rikku giggling at him and swatting the drag queen playfully, the boy flipping his blue hair over his shoulder and grinning cheekily. Sora was blushing furiously about something; mouth slightly agape, while Paine watched with an amused smile twisting her lips. Cloud and Demyx were nowhere to be found, and Marluxia was busy serving drinks along the expanse of the bar. Axel moved from Roxas' side to Zexion and rubbed the boy's upper arm while looking to the older girl. "Did Cloud say he could keep drinking like this?"

"That's his last one!" Rikku replied before the darker girl could. "If he grabs another I'll take it away from him, Demyx didn't want him getting too drunk and throwing up in his car on the way back."

Paine rolled her ruby eyes, reaching for the younger girl's drink, "I don't exactly want you throwing up in _my_ car either, baby…" Rikku pouted at her, licking around the rim of the glass slowly. Paine sighed and wrapped her arm a bit tighter around the girl's waist; the blonde girl giggling and leaning back, kissing her lightly.

Roxas looked away from the girls and up at Axel. "I wanted to talk to Zack some more, do you think we can find them?"

The older boy nodded, "Yeah, I'm sure they're somewhere on the dance floor."

Roxas looked from the red-head to Sora, smiling at the brunette. "Will you stay with Zexion? Make sure Rikku doesn't let him have another drink."

"I'll watch him." Sora replied, smiling. "I've never seen him like this, he's so funny." Zexion turned and looked at the brunette, winking at him slyly. The younger boy blushed and looked at Roxas helplessly. "Don't leave for too long, I don't know when Demyx is coming back, and I don't want to lose you guys in here."

"Don't worry, kid. We're not going to leave you stranded here with tipsy Zexi." Paine said, nodding when the boy looked her way. "The boys will be back; knowing Cloud they're just having some fun."

-x-x-x-

Axel once again took the lead, making a path for the younger boy as they weaved through the crowd. To Roxas' surprise it wasn't hard to find the blonde singer, several people had moved back to watch the lean boy dancing with his partner, who turned out to be tall, dark, gorgeous Zack. Axel didn't seem shocked at the two boys dancing against one another provocatively, violet eyes locked into blue as they smiled at one another, but it was a complete shock to Roxas. Sure, he has suspected that the older boy was interested in the same sex, but he had never expected the darker boy to be so open about it. With wandering hands and whispered words the two moved together in their own little spotlight, Demyx watching nearby and whispering something to Reno, who was laughing and pointing in Roxas and Axel's direction. The dirty blonde looked over and met Roxas' eyes, grinning. Apparently he hadn't expected it either.

"Hey, cutie." A voice said, Roxas looking over and meeting eyes with a tall brunette, the boy looking him over sensuously. "Want to dance?"

The blonde, blushing furiously, opened his mouth to reply but couldn't, standing like a deer in headlights as he stuttered, "I…I-I…"

"He's taken." Axel said from behind him, wrapping an arm around Roxas' waist and pulling the boy back against him, kissing his cheek and watching the other boy's flirty smile turn into a frown.

"Sorry, hun. I didn't realize you were with someone." He said, waving and disappearing back into the crowd, Roxas breathing a sigh of relief and turning towards Axel.

"Thank you," he said, "I've never been good with stuff like that."

Smiling cattily, Axel asked, "With what? Gay boys flirting with you?"

Blushing, Roxas replied, "N-no! I meant turning people down."

"So flirting with you _is_ okay?" the red-head teased, watching the younger boy blush a deeper shade of red.

"Hey guys! Less talking, more dancing!" Reno said as he stepped up to Axel's side, sticking his tongue out at the other red-head. "You can debate Roxas' sexuality when we're not at the club!"

Pressing a hand to his burning face, Roxas turned to look at Demyx, who'd grabbed his arm and was pulling him deeper into the dance crowd. "Come on, Rox, show me your moves!"

Laughing and following after his friend, the two blondes faded into the sea of dancers, Reno and Axel standing together, watching them go. "Do you like him?" Reno asked, Axel looking over at him with a smile.

"Do _you_ like _him_?" Axel asked, "He's cute, but I think he's straight."

Returning the younger boy's smile, Reno replied, "That's never stopped me before."

Smiling, Axel turned back towards the crowd, just barely picking out the two boys dancing together and laughing. "No, it never has, has it…"

-x-x-x-

Demyx pulled Roxas in close as they danced together, grinning as he leaned in and asked, "So, what do you think?"

The younger boy laughed softly, leaning in as well and replying, "What do you mean what do I think?"

The dirty-blonde grinned and shook his head, watching Roxas with a knowing smile as they danced together. The younger boy rolled his eyes and smiled back, turning his back to the other boy and looking out over the crowd to try and distract himself from the pounding in his chest. What did he think about Axel? He was tall, built, drop dead sexy… Roxas squeezed his eyes shut and tilted his head back, letting his thoughts drown out in the throbbing bass resonating through the club. What was making him think like that? He'd never been attracted to a boy before, other than second-glances every now and then towards Zack, and even that had been a fleeting crush that ended more than a year ago. Axel reminded him a lot of Zack actually, they were both kind, compassionate, understanding, patient…they never pressed him about his past. Never asked too many questions, but somehow they were both close to him… He caught himself again, Axel was close to him? He barely knew him! But Axel had been there before, when a part of himself that he kept hidden from even his closest friends had been out in the open laid raw and bare, and had held him, comforted him. He hadn't run away, hadn't shunned him or thought he was weak. Axel had seen a part of him that no one besides Aerith had witnessed since his family had died, and somehow it made him feel like Axel knew him better than even Sora or Demyx did.

A hand on his shoulder had him opening his eyes and turning to look over his shoulder, the dirty-blonde boy at his side smiling at him softly. "Don't think too much about it," the other boy said, a soft understanding in his eyes, "We were just curious, that's all."

"We?" Roxas asked, leaning in close again.

Demyx laughed a bit and cupped his hand on Roxas' shoulder, replying with a grin, "Sora's not the only one who's been giving off the gay vibe, you know?"

Roxas' face turned red, the boy ducking his head and looking off towards the back of the dance floor, catching Reno and Axel watching them and chatting silently. _Oh god, what have I gotten myself into…_ he thought to himself as green eyes smiled over at him, a smile twisting Axel's lips. He couldn't stop the butterflies fluttering in his chest.

-x-x-x-

Monday seemed to come quicker than usual, the week passing in a blur. By Wednesday Roxas was starting to become restless, and on Thursday afternoon he was itching to try out the pool one more time, if only to test the theory that his newfound friends might be there. In all honesty he really just wanted to see if Axel would be there, but he was trying not to admit that to himself.

Sora came with him this time, the younger boy bolting ahead of him into the gym and making his way down the halls to the locker rooms, Roxas following slowly behind. He tried not to think about what had happened last time, about Yuffie falling unconscious into the pool, but as Sora tugged him into that domed, echoing chamber that reeked of chlorine it was all that he could think about, and he instantly began regretting his decision to come. Sora, oblivious to his inner turmoil, happily made his way into the pool with a splash, shaking the pool water from his long dark spikes and looking up at the blonde who still stood motionless at the pool's edge.

"Come on Roxas, the water's warm! It feels great!"

Taking a deep breath he smiled at his friend. He couldn't make this weird, Sora had no idea what Roxas was feeling. He didn't want to ruin a perfectly good afternoon with one of his best friends. He could do this. He could. Roxas walked over to the steps leading into the shallow end, stepping cautiously into the water. The staff must have raised the heater in the pool; the water was warmer than last time, almost the temperature of a nice hot bath. It was soothing, seeping into his tense muscles and slowly willing him to relax. Sora had wading over to him, watching him silently; a thoughtful expression across his usually carefree face. Roxas noticed and smiled at him, "You're right, this is nice."

Sora smiled again, dipping down to his knees so the water was up to his shoulders. "Hey Rox? Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," the older boy replied, sitting down on the last step and sighing softly, "What is it?"

Sora watched him for a moment, moving his hands back and forth slowly underwater, before saying, "Last weekend, when we met Kairi and Yuffie, they told us about what happened; about you saving Yuffie. They said that you pulled her out of the pool when she fell and hit her head, that you gave her CPR and got her breathing again." He looked up at Roxas, tilting his head ever so slightly. "You never told me about it, you never told any of us... I mean, I didn't even know you could swim! You never want to come to the pool with me, and you know I'm thinking about being on the swim team next year, so I've started coming a lot..." He hesitated, then added, "It would have been nice if you had wanted to come with me. We could have kept one another company." He watched Roxas, the blonde boy lifting one of his legs slightly out of the water. "I guess what I'm trying to ask is…why didn't you tell me about it? Or tell at least one of us… When I think about it, even though you're friends with all of us, you never really talk to us about anything personal. Is it…is it because you don't trust us enough?"

At that Roxas looked up, meeting Sora's concerned look. "No, of course not. I trust you, and Demyx and Zexion." Sora didn't seem convinced, Roxas reaching over and touching his arm. "Of course I trust you! All of you! You're such good friends, I'm so glad that we met. It's just…" His voice grew soft, blue eyes moving to dance across the water. "There are some things I'm afraid to talk about. Things in my past that I don't even know if I _can_ talk about…"

"I would like it if you'd talk to me, Roxas," Sora offered tentatively, "I mean, if you ever wanted to, that is."

Roxas squeezed Sora's shoulder for a moment then sighed and took a step forward into the water, mimicking the younger boy and sinking down to his knees. The heat from the pool instantly flooded over his skin, a shiver running down his spine as his core temperature adjusted. "Did they tell you…about me freaking out afterwards?" he asked, looking over at his friend.

Sora tilted his head, seeming to choose his words carefully, "They said that you were really upset, and Yuffie was kind of worried about you. She asked if you were doing okay. I told them everything was fine, as far as I knew."

Roxas nodded, looking away absently. "It really scared me, seeing her fall like that." He thought about saying more, but something kept the words in this chest. He had never confided in anyone besides Aerith, the therapist he'd been seeing since the crash. She was obligated to keep client-therapist confidentiality, which somehow made it easier to talk to her, knowing that no one but her would ever know. Blue eyes flitted back to glance over Sora, the brunette watching him silently. Sora was fun, bubbly, chatty, and Roxas was sure he could keep a secret if he was asked to, but the same thought kept repeating itself in his mind. Aerith wasn't allowed to talk to anyone about what Roxas told her, but if he told Sora then all he could do was trust that the other boy wouldn't say anything to anyone… He didn't know if he still had that kind of trust inside of him, not after everything he'd been through.

Chatter suddenly filled the air, Roxas looking up to see several lean, long-legged boys walking together towards the quarantined far side of the pool, rows marked by floating buoys to form several lanes. He watched for a moment as they tossed their towels and things on top of a few chairs then made their way to the deep end, pulling on goggles and laughing at one another's jokes. It was part of the swim team, a few juniors from the look of it, undoubtedly here to do their daily laps before heading back to their dorms. Roxas heard a sigh, turning to look at Sora, who was watching in a slight state of awe. "I want to be doing that…" Sora whispered, his eyes sparkling as one of the boys dove into the pool and started swimming. "They're so fast…"

More of the swim team began making their way into the pool area, Roxas and Sora watching from the shallow end silently, the blonde fully aware of a certain red-head who had just entered with a few of his friends. Sora noticed him first, lifting up out of the water and waving excitedly while calling, "Axel! Look Roxas it's Axel!"

Roxas grimaced as the walls echoed with Sora's excitement, most of the boys who had gathered laughing softly. Axel and another boy walked over to greet them, the tall blonde smiling and saying off-handed to his companion, "Freshmen…"

Axel laughed softly and nodded, the blonde nudging his side and laughing as well. "Hey kids, isn't it past your curfew? Time for the big kids to use the pool!"

Sora, who had at first been gawking in awe at the tall, muscled swimmer, frowned slightly. "We were just…"

Axel immediately interjected, "Zell, stop being an ass." He shoved the other boy playfully. "They don't know to just ignore you like I do."

At that Sora lightened up, realizing the older boy had just been teasing them. He stuck his tongue out at Zell, the tall blonde laughing and running a hand through his hair, the lightning-like tattoo across his left cheek twisting as he smiled. "Damn, were we ever that cute?"

"You weren't." Axel replied smoothly, Zell shoving him and rolling his eyes before walking back towards the deep end. Roxas coughed softly to hide his laughter, a soft smile curving his lips as he met Axel's eyes. The red-head was watching him intently, perhaps a bit more so than he should have been; causing Roxas' heartbeat to quicken in his ears.

Sora, who had been eyeing the swim team silently, suddenly said, "I'm going to go talk to the captain for a minute, I'll be right back." He grabbed the hand rail next to the stairs and pulled himself quickly out of the water, padding across the tile to the team captains who had gathered near the diving boards.

"How are you?" Axel asked, Roxas turning to look at the other boy as he grabbed onto the lip of the pool and slowly slid his legs into the water, sitting on the edge and watching the younger boy with cat green eyes.

"Good," the blonde replied, lifting himself a bit out of the water and wading over to the older boy, "You?"

Axel shrugged, "Can't complain." He hesitated a moment then said, "The other night at the club, it was nice hanging out. I'm sorry if I put you on edge."

Roxas blinked, startled for a moment, then laughed and said, "No, of course you didn't! Why would you think that?"

The red-head watched him for a moment then turned and looked out over the water, "You haven't shown up in almost a week." The glanced over at Roxas for a moment and added, "I was starting to think I'd scared you off."

The younger boy blushed lightly, "No, you didn't. I just…couldn't bring myself to come back."

"Because of Yuffie?" Axel asked, concern in his voice. "She really is fine, Roxas. She's been in and out of the water ever since, it's like it didn't happen for her. She doesn't remember it, anyway." He smiled softly, "Not to mention Kairi threatened to beat her if she decided running by the pool was a good idea again."

"I'm glad she's okay…" Roxas said softly, his thumb pressing absently against his hip-bone, tracing the scar there.

Axel noticed his movements, watching the other boy silently for a moment, then softly asked, "Is it because of your sister?" Blue eyes darted up to meet green, Roxas searching Axel's eyes. He opened his mouth then shut it again. He was too ashamed to say it. He swallowed around the words clustered in this throat, then nodded once; a small, wounded movement that the other boy wouldn't have seen had he not been looking for it. Axel sighed, reaching out to where his fingertips could brush against the blonde's shoulder, offering softly, "I could help you, if you wanted me to."

Roxas shook his head, "I don't think it's something that you _can_ help me with, Axel…"

"At least let me try." The older boy replied gently.

They held one another's eyes for a long moment, azure searching bright green, and then the younger boy nodded his consent.

-x-x-x-

Zell took Sora under his wing, the brunette following around the tall swimmer eagerly throughout their practice, talking non-stop about joining the swim team. The blonde boy seemed fairly amused at the younger's enthusiasm, timing him on laps and seeing how he fared against some of the newer members of the team. After a few warm-up laps Sora was keeping up with his competition, the captain of the swim team walking over to watch with a few other seniors. "Kid's got spunk, that's for sure." Zell said, grinning and motioning towards the freshman. The others agreed.

Axel was helping Sora with his breathing in the deep end when the swim team captain called the end of practice, several of the swim team members taking to the diving boards to show off their more artistic skills before leaving for the night. Roxas watched from the edge of the shallow end, trying not to think too hard about the way Axel's abs twisted as he hoisted himself out of the pool, or the way his long red hair clung to his broad shoulders when it was wet. The red-head offered a hand to his shorter companion, helping Sora out of the pool as well, the younger boy laughing joyfully and trotting over to one of the diving boards. Zell cuffed Axel on the shoulder brotherly and then motioned towards Roxas, asking something softly under his breath. From the way Axel laughed Roxas could only guess what the older boy had said. The red-head patted his friend's back then waved casually, Zell smiling and turning his attention to Sora, who was poised delicately at the end of a diving board. Roxas watched his friend curiously, waiting for the boy to dive, when suddenly Sora twisted to the side and flipped backwards twice before landing flawlessly in the water. Needless to say Zell was ecstatic, clapping loudly and cheering.

"Well he's full of surprises." Axel said as he slid into the water beside Roxas, the blonde looking over his shoulder at the other boy with a grin.

"He's showing off for your friend, he really wants to be on the swim team…"

"From the sounds of it Zell's talked the captains into letting him join late. Normally he would have had to have started out with us at the beginning of the semester, but it seems like he'll be a strong addition to the team." The older boy smiled at him softly, something in his eyes causing Roxas' breath to catch in his throat. He looked away slightly, trying desperately to resist the blush crossing his cheeks. Axel chuckled softly, reaching over and taking Roxas' arm, pulling him backwards much to the blonde's surprise.

"W-what are you doing?" he stammered, hyper aware as his back pressed gently against the older boy's chest.

Axel chuckled again softly, leaning in and whispering, "Giving you an excuse for that blush across your face."

Roxas stammered again, unsure of what to say in response, the blonde gasping as strong, warm arms wrapped around his torso and waist. Axel continued to hold him gently, the younger boy blushing furiously but slowly relaxing, tilting his head up and glancing over his shoulder to meet brilliant green eyes. "I…"

"You never said I couldn't flirt with you." Axel whispered, fingertips brushing against Roxas' taut stomach teasingly. "And you do seem to enjoy the attention."

Roxas laughed softly, lowering his eyes, "You're not afraid to speak your mind, are you?"

"Not when it comes to things I'm truly interested in," the older boy replied softly, "and you intrigue me."

"Why?" Roxas asked, looking back up at the other boy.

Axel smiled down at him, replying softly, "Well you're cute, for starters…" At Roxas' embarrassed expression the red-head laughed, then replied in a deeper tone, "I think it's the way you looked that day, when you pulled Yuffie out of the pool. You were brilliant, and so alive, but everything about you was cold, detached. When I held you it was like you were in another place, and I couldn't reach you." His gaze softened, searching Roxas' clear blue eyes. "And I think it's the way you spoke about your sister. You seem so lost, so broken, but you're so strong…" Roxas watched him, speechless, amazed at Axel's uncanny accuracy in describing his inner turmoil, though the other boy barely knew anything about him. "You don't even realize it, do you?" Axel asked gently, his cat green eyes locked into Roxas' azure, "The way that your heart reflects in your eyes…"

"Do another! Let me see!" Zell called from the deep end of the pool, Sora laughing and calling back to the other boy.

"Alright, give me a minute to breathe!"

The two looked to the far side of the pool to see Sora on to the diving board once again, performing another trick for his Zell, grinning happily at his audience. He bounced a few times then arched into an eloquent flip, spiraling over his heels into the water. Roxas laughed to himself, Axel feeling the movement and squeezing him gently. "After they've left, do you want to practice?"

"I'm a good swimmer, I just…" Roxas shuddered despite the warmth surrounding him. "I'm afraid of the water. It reminds me of her."

"Then why do you come here?" Axel asked, relaxing his grip so Roxas could turn and look at him.

The younger boy placed a hand on Axel's chest absently, looking towards the darker blue waters of the deep end. "I want to be on the track team, but that means I have to do gym and swim practice too."

Axel made a sound of realization then sighed and relaxed back against the lip of the pool. "Well, that does pose a problem now doesn't it? I guess that just means we're going to have to conquer your fear of water."

Roxas shuddered at the thought of swimming, shaking his head firmly. "I don't know if that's something I'll be able to do."

The red-head at his side placed a hand on his back, rubbing gently. "Luckily for you I'm a Grade-A swimmer, and I have the patience of a saint."

The younger boy smiled, "You would do that for me? Help me with my Aquaphobia?"

"Of course I will!" Axel replied, then grinned impishly and held up a finger. "On one condition." Roxas looked at him questioningly, the other boy leaning in and saying with a soft smile, "You have to let me take you out."

-x-x-x-

Roxas sighed for the umpteenth time, mussing over his hair once more before forcing himself out of the bathroom and into his bedroom, staring at the clothes piled at the foot of his closet and beside his dresser. Now that he had finally managed to make his blonde spikes eloquently disheveled to his satisfaction he needed to figure out what to wear. Not that he'd been trying to do that for the past two hours or anything. It was still a mystery to him why he was so nervous, he'd hung out with Axel before. The older boy had even succeeded in helping him inch a little closer to the middle of the pool Thursday evening and again on Friday afternoon. Saturday, the red-headed junior had decided, would be a good day for Roxas to relax a bit, and for him to take the boy out to dinner and a movie. It seemed to be a simple enough request, and Roxas was even excited to go, but it was becoming nearly as stressful as trying to force himself deeper into the waters of the pool. He couldn't shake the feeling of nervousness inside of him, something that made his stomach turn uneasily. He had never really thought about his sexuality, or questioned it; he had always assumed he was straight. It seemed, however, that he was actually more so bisexual, if not full-blown gay. He had no memories to base his sexuality on, no experiences he could remember, no past girlfriends or boyfriends. Everything was a mystery to him. He could only go off of his current feelings, and he liked the idea of going out on a date with Axel. Maybe even holding hands, or maybe…kissing…

Roxas sighed in exasperation, feeling the fire in his cheeks grow as he walked across his room and dug through a pile of clothing on the floor, fishing for something he thought the other boy might like. Was he really trying to dress nice for another boy? Trying to look attractive…for another boy? But it wasn't just any boy, it was Axel…

"Aaargh! Why is this so complicated!" Roxas growled, throwing himself backwards onto his bed, bouncing slightly and tossing an arm over his eyes. He couldn't argue with the feelings he was experiencing; it was a new, strange experience for him to be so flustered. Since the accident he had never really thought about his love life. Dating seemed so…insignificant in light of what had happened. But now that some time had passed, and the situation presented itself, he found himself attracted to the thought of having a lover. Maybe it would help him somehow, help to fill the void inside of him that used to hold his mother, father, and his sister. He sat up, sighing; a soft, breathy sound that barely filled the silence of the empty house. He reached forward and grabbed a slim-fitted t-shirt and pulled it on over his head and shoulders, sliding it down his torso to rest against his dark jeans. _Just be yourself…_ The words kept echoing in his mind. He wondered vaguely if he had heard them spoken before from someone in his past. He wondered if he would ever remember, even if it had happened.

A knock sounded at his door, Roxas' head jerking up at the sound. Of course the other boy would be early, especially since he was still getting ready. Taking a deep breath Roxas made his way to the front door, opening it to find himself greeted with a warm smile from an exceptionally sexy looking red-head. "Hey Rox." Axel greeted, "You ready for an awesome night?"

Blushing lightly, the blonde replied, "Y-yeah, just give me a few minutes to finish up."

"Take all the time you need," the older boy said with a nod, Roxas backing out of the doorway and beckoning Axel into the house. The older boy stepped past him and looked around, admiring the artwork on the walls. "This is nice, who painted it?"

"My mother," Roxas called over his shoulder, making his way back to his room, "At least, her name is on the back, so I assume she painted it."

Axel hesitated a moment, wondering what the younger boy meant, then followed after him through the dimly lit house. The lights were on in one of the bedrooms, the older boy leaning against the frame of the doorway and watching the other boy shuffle around his room, searching for his shoes. "Yikes! Get into a fight with your closet?"

Roxas laughed, grabbing a pair of converse from under the edge of his bed, sitting down on top of the comforter and pulling them on quickly, "You have no idea…"

The red-head chuckled, letting his eyes wander around the walls of the room. They were covered with pictures of all sizes. "Is this your family?" he asked, taking a step into the room and pointing towards a large portrait hanging on the nearest wall. Roxas made an affirming sound, getting up from the bed and walking into the bathroom, spraying himself with cologne and fixing his hair one last time. When he returned to his bedroom Axel was holding a picture that had been on his nightstand, green eyes looking up from the small silver frame to meet Roxas' azure. "Is this your sister?"

"Yeah, that's Naminé." Roxas said softly, knowing the picture Axel was holding without having to see it. It was a picture of him and his sister when they were about twelve in the family pool, Naminé laughing with her arms wrapped around his shoulders, both of them up to their navels in water. Her golden blonde hair was tied up in pigtails, her favorite watch wrapped around her small wrist. She was wearing a bright pink swimsuit, the same color as the polish on her nails. She was happy, and so very alive. Roxas' hair was a bit shorter, his skin bronze with a rich tan, his clear blue eyes shining out of the picture and echoing his sister's laughter. It was a beautiful picture of them together, a moment locked somewhere in the darkness of his mind, somewhere so deep he couldn't find it in his memories. He wished more than anything that he could.

He hadn't realized Axel had moved, or the time that had passed as he stood there, lost in thought, until the older boy put a hand on his shoulder. When Roxas looked up to meet his eyes he saw nothing but silent affection there, a gentle expression on the other boy's face. "Come on, let's go get something to eat."

The blonde boy nodded, a silent sigh leaving him as he let himself relax under the other boy's touch. Axel seemed to understand when to not press a topic, and Roxas had never been more grateful than in that moment. When the red-head moved his hand down the younger boy's arm and took his hand lightly Roxas couldn't help the soft blush highlighting his cheeks, or his shy smile.

-x-x-x-

Axel decided to take Roxas to a little Italian restaurant around the corner from the theatre downtown. The younger boy must have passed it numerous times since moving to the city but he'd never noticed it before. It was quiet and intimate but still held a laid-back atmosphere, a middle-aged man playing the accordion near the door as they walked in. Axel waved to him as they passed, guiding Roxas to the back of the restaurant where they could talk without disturbing those listening to the musician play. Roxas looked around, taking in the details of the architecture and the candles lining one of the walls, as well as the glass door that lead out to a small patio surrounded by a decorative wrought-iron fence. "How did you know about this place?" he asked, Axel's laughter meeting his ears.

"Believe it or not I like walking the streets at night." The red-head's lips were twisted into a sly smile. "It helps me think. This is just one of the little nooks I've found in the city."

"If they're anything like this then I'd like to see more sometime," Roxas said shyly.

"I'll be sure to take you out again then." Axel replied with a wink.

The garlic bread the waiter brought to their table was soft and heavenly, by the time their pasta arrived the blonde boy was already half-way stuffed. They chatted about school, friends, the track team and the swim team; somehow Roxas felt more comfortable around Axel than he had around anyone he'd ever met before. He was suddenly beginning to realize how much they had in common, and how drawn he was to the older boy. It was unlike anything he'd ever felt before.

After dinner they took to the streets, leaving Axel's car in the restaurant's parking lot and leisurely strolling down the block to the theatre. The building was covered in flashing neon lights and giant posters of the current movies showing inside. Axel let Roxas decide, chuckling only for a moment when the younger boy asked him if he preferred action or comedy. "This is your night, you pick what you want us to watch." The red-head replied with a shake of his head and a smile. "I'll watch just about anything."

Roxas decided on a movie he'd heard of from some classmates, it had an actor he liked that was popular amongst him and his friends. The commercials had seemed interesting enough, but once he and Axel found their seats near the middle of the auditorium and the film started Roxas realized it wasn't really a date movie at all. As a matter of fact they didn't even have time to share comments now and then, if he looked away for more than a moment he was lost for five minutes. The movie was unusual and had strange plot twists; the characters were able to access people's dreams and search for their secrets. Near the end of the movie when the actors were in a dream that was in a dream inside of another dream he felt as if his brain was twitching. The movie was very interesting, but so odd he could barely keep up with interpreting just exactly what was going on at any given moment. Were they in the first dream, or the last dream? Roxas was beginning to watch the movie less and less, and watched the boy sitting next to him instead. Axel seemed to be enjoying the movie though, he was holding Roxas' hand firmly in his own, squeezing now and then when something especially exciting or surprising happened. The older boy would look over at him now and then, giving him a look and pointing at the screen. Roxas would smile and nod his approval, but thought to himself as he turned back to the screen that he would much rather have watched a comedy so they could have talked a bit now and then. He liked talking to Axel. It came easier with him, somehow. He wanted to know more about the other boy, wanted to discover more of him.

As the movie concluded and the credits scrolled across the screen brilliant green eyes looked over and captured his blue. "Well?" Axel asked, stroking his thumb across the back of Roxas' had for a moment before standing to his feet and stretching his arms above his head.

"I was…interesting," Roxas started to say, but Axel gave him a knowing look.

"You mean it was weird, right?"

The blonde boy laughed innocently, looking away. "It was still interesting."

"I just happen to be a bit more entertaining to watch?" the red-head teased, the younger boy looking back up at him with a blush. Axel laughed softly, offering his hand to Roxas once again. "Don't worry, I tend to stare too when you're not paying attention."

Roxas sighed, unable to mask the smile across his face, and placed his hand in Axel's. They walked out of the theatre side-by-side, Roxas trailing ever-so-slightly. They walked silently down the sidewalk back towards Axel's parked car, their fingers laced together casually. "Thank you," the younger boy said tentatively as they reached the car, "I really liked the restaurant, and the movie really was good. I had a good time."

Axel turned to face the shorter boy. "Me too," he replied, "Might have to repeat this little event next weekend, if you're up to it."

Roxas blinked in surprised then looked away, laughing sheepishly. "I-if you wanted to, sure. I'd like that."

"Alright, on one condition!" the older boy bolstered cheerfully, then corrected himself after a moment of thought, "Well, five actually."

Roxas tilted his head slightly, asking, "What is it?"

With a grin the red-headed boy replied, "You have to meet me at the pool every day this week after school for Aquaphobia therapy! Then, if you've been a very good student, I'll take you out again on Saturday."

"Oh so now you're my new therapist?" Roxas questioned with a laugh, then added playfully, "And here I thought you were just helping out because I was cute!"

The older boy smiled softly, leaning down and pressing his lips to the corner of Roxas' mouth in a soft kiss. The blonde flushed crimson and stared up at the older boy, unsure of what to do or say, his heart pounding in his ears. From the look in Axel's eyes he had wanted to do more but was holding himself back for the younger boy's sake. "Do you think you can do that?" the older boy asked softly.

A shudder passed through Roxas at the thought of being in the water so frequently for so long. If it was anything like Thursday or Friday it would be for a couple of hours at least. His fingers had pruned by the time they had left the pool late Friday afternoon. But…if it meant he could spend more time with Axel, and the older boy would take him out again…

The blonde boy nodded, looking up at the other boy with determination etched across his face. "I'll try."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With Axel more than willing to help him with his fears, will Roxas finally be able to swim again? And what about his memories? Will more time in the water cause something deep within his mind to give way, letting his lost memories surface after all the time that has passed? With the drama of school, friends, and a possible love-life it's not going to be a walk down easy street for Roxas as his road to recovery continues.
> 
> More answers will be revealed next time! Thanks for reading!


	4. Submerged

It was Friday. Somehow he'd successfully made it through the week, a whole week of spending every night after school with Axel, trying to test the waters and figure out the limits of his phobia. Now, at the end of the week, this would be their fifth official session, and Roxas couldn't wait for the weekend. Axel had promised him a date on Saturday as a reward for all his hard work, even if they hadn't really made much progress yet. Having the older boy with him did seem to ease his nerves a bit, but he still hadn't been able to make it out of the shallows towards deeper water. He tried not to think about it too much, his Aquaphobia wasn't going to cure itself overnight. Instead he made his way through the locker room and out to the pool area. He spotted his friends easily, sitting at the edge of the shallow end of the pool, chatting.

Roxas tried not to let his excitement show when Axel glanced up and met his eyes, the blonde smiling and giving a little wave as the red-headed boy beckoned him over. They hadn't really talked about it, the small kiss Axel had given him at the end of their first date. Roxas wasn't sure if he was ready for anything else, to be fair. He'd never really had a crush before. Not that he could remember, anyway. Roxas' eyes moved over Axel's shoulders and back, appreciating his muscled, athletic form, feeling heat rise in his cheeks. He was sitting at the edge of the pool with Sora, who was kicking at the water and laughing at something the older boy had said, not paying any attention to his blush. He could be doing just about anything and it would make Roxas blush now. He couldn't help it. The blonde sighed, trying to calm his heartbeat, slipping out of his flip-flops and setting his towel aside before walking over to join them. "Hey guys, sorry! Zack caught me after class and we talked longer than I expected to." Glancing around the pool, he added curiously, "Did the swim team already leave?"

Axel nodded, smiling at the other boy as Roxas took a seat beside him, his cat-green eyes following his movements as he spoke. "Yeah, they cut practice short today. Most of the guys wanted to go watch the game tonight, so Zell let them off early."

 _Oh that's right._ Roxas mused, _The pep rally and football game were tonight._ He hummed softly, glancing between his friends. "Is that why the girls aren't here?" Roxas asked, noting how empty the pool area was. There were a few boys gathering their belongings on the opposite end of the pool near the deep end, stragglers from the swim team heading off to get changed before the game. They waved to Axel and Sora as they went, leaving the three friends alone in relative quiet.

Axel stretched his arms above his head and slipped into the pool, turning back to face Roxas before replying. "Yeah, Yuffie is really into the whole team spirit thing. The girls never miss a game. Apparently she was a cheerleader for several years before an ankle injury took her out of her cheer squad in high school." Axel rolled his eyes playfully. "You've seen how she gets! Energy for days."

"Why am I not the least bit surprised…" Roxas replied, laughing softly.

Sora grinned and slipped into the warm water as well, turning to grip the lip of the pool with both hands. "Zell is showing me this new dive! It looks really fun! Too bad we don't have a higher diving board." He extended his arms while still gripping the edge, drawing his knees up, mock starter position for a backstroke. "I'd really like to try to do it but the boards here don't have the height…"

Axel nodded, shrugging. "Not many indoor pools do, but when we go to meets in the surrounding cities some of their outdoor pools have high-dives. You'll get your chance to practice!"

Sora grinned and tightened his grip, arms clenching as he tensed for a start and then dove backwards into the water, dolphin-kicking with his legs together towards the other side of the pool. Roxas watched in awe, eyes wide as the boy continued kicking underwater all the way to the other side, surfacing for breath after his hands met the far end of the shallow water. He cheesed over at Axel as the red-head gave him a little congratulatory applause then started across the pool after him, Sora letting out a playful screech and heading for the deep end of the pool to maintain distance between them. Watching his friends play, Roxas took a few calming breaths before focusing on the task at hand and slipping into the water.

He'd gotten better about this part, not taking the stairs each time he entered the pool anymore. He adjusted to the waist-deep water with practiced ease, looking over at Axel and Sora who were swimming through the deeper waters, laughing and splashing one another as they kicked their way across the pool. He smiled, letting their laugher and the closeness of their voices distract him from his anxiety as he walked slowly across the shallow end of the pool, hands shifting along the surface of the water. He trailed his fingertips through the too-blue water and then slowly submerged up to his shoulders, his knees brushing the bottom of the pool, then he tilted back and let himself sink under all the way. He blinked open his eyes, ignoring the mild stinging from the chlorine, and watched the light reflecting along the surface of the slow-moving water. The ripples from his movements caused little waves along the surface as he shifted his arms slowly back and forth, holding his breath easily. It was strange, how things from his past stayed ingrained within him, muscle memory from a time when he had no memories at all.

He blinked as the water grew dark, a shadow cast across the light, glancing over to see Axel and Roxas wading closer to him from the deep end. Roxas shifted his position and broke the surface with a soft exhale, getting to his feet again and shaking out his hair. Axel looked pleased, giving him a hearty smile, nodding his approval. "Wow, you did that without me this time! Are you feeling okay? Any flashbacks?"

Roxas smiled softly at the older boy, brow arching a bit as he glanced towards Sora. He'd told the younger boy briefly about his fear of water, and that Axel was helping him overcome it, but he hadn't gone into too many details. He wasn't really ready to talk about his flashbacks with the brunette quite yet, and so he glanced away again, giving Axel a soft, vague reply. "N-No, I'm alright." He met the older boy's green eyes, catching a hint of confusion across his face at Roxas' somber reaction. "Really, I'm fine…"

Axel hesitated, then glanced towards Sora, seeming to understand. He quickly shifted attention away from his previous inquiry, grinning down at the brunette and reaching over to ruffle his hair. It was the first night Sora had opted to linger and join them during their therapy session, and Roxas was a bit nervous for them to have an audience. Sense Roxas' unease, Axel changed the subject, Sora batting his hands away and splashing him for his efforts. "Alright alright, why don't you go catch the game with the girls? Didn't they say they were meeting up at the food trucks afterwards for doughnuts?"

Sora blinked up at the red-head, grinning and nodding as he looked to Roxas. "Y-Yeah! Umm…" He gave Roxas a smile, thoughtful before turning and wading towards the stairs leading out of the pool. "You guys will catch up with us right? After?"

"Yeah of course!" Axel laughed, shooing the younger. "Don't eat all of the bear claws before we get there! Make sure Yuffie doesn't make herself sick eating too fast, she can't control herself around sweets!"

Sora laughed, the bubbly sound echoing off of the high domed ceiling as he made his way to the locker room to change. "I'll keep an eye on them for you!"

Axel sighed and turned towards Roxas once they were alone, the blonde glancing up at him shyly and smiling softly. "Thank you. I'm sorry about that, I shouldn't have…"

The older boy shushed him softly, reaching out to touch his arm. "Hey, it's alright. I'm the one who should apologize. Is it something you haven't told Sora?"

Roxas shook his head, glancing away from those bright green eyes, drifting slowly across the empty room. "You're the only one I've ever really talked to about any of this with...other than my therapist, anyway."

"I see…" Axel's voice was soft, almost too soft, and Roxas looked back up at him, startled to see how tender the older boy's expression was. It sent a shiver through him, his cheeks heating up again, and the taller boy chuckled while reaching out to draw Roxas closer, hugging him against his broad chest. "I'm honored you trust me enough to show me this part of yourself. I will do my best to not bring it up around anyone else again."

Roxas sighed softly, pressing his cheek to Axel's chest, letting his steady heartbeat soothe his nerves. "It would be easier for me to just tell him. I should trust him, Sora is my friend. I should accept that it's alright to be vulnerable around my closest friends...it's just hard…"

Axel rubbed against his lower back, large hands warm against his wet skin, and he shivered at his touch and unconsciously pressed closer into his body heat, closing his eyes as Axel soothed him, relaxing into his touch. When several moments had passed of comfortable silence between them, the older boy pulled back and met Roxas' eyes. "Ready to try something new tonight?"

Roxas tilted his head slightly, watching the older boy. "Something new?"

Axel nodded, drawing him with him through the water as he backed towards the deep end slowly, searching Roxas' eyes. "I want you to focus on me, okay? Just look at me, trust me to keep you safe. Don't think about where your feet are or what we are doing. Just keep your eyes on me, okay?"

Roxas nodded, pushing down his fear and letting his feet lift up off of the bottom of the pool, Axel treading water as he kicked off as well, guiding the blonde further towards the deep end of the pool. He could feel the change in temperature as the bottom of the pool fell away, holding onto Axel's hands tighter as the red-head kept their eyes locked, coaxing Roxas along with him with soft words and gentle tugs, until Roxas dropped his feet again and his toes felt nothing but cold. Cold, deep water. Distinctively colder than the warmth of the shallows. Cold enough that it send fear singing like lightning up his spine. His breath hitched and he kicked his feet up again, trying to focus on the boy in front of him, trying not to think about the images inside his mind. Dark water, muddled into mossy green with algae and blood. A sticky, muddy lake bank, rocks and twigs snapping underfoot as he fought against the weight of those depths, pulling her slowly, tugging her body to the shore. Roxas froze up completely, fear flashing wildly across his face, a terrified sob ripping from his lungs as he fought to breathe. In that moment he wasn't in the pool with Axel. He was back at the lake with his sister. He was holding onto Naminé.

Axel instantly knew something was wrong, drawing him closer to his chest, hiding Roxas' face against his neck as he kicked them quickly to the side of the pool. "Alright, it's alright. You're okay Roxas, I've got you." He hoisted the smaller boy out of the pool easily and pulled himself up onto the lip of the pool to hold him, Roxas pressing as close as he could to the other boy and trying to muffle his panicked breathing, another sob ripping from his chest. He was glad Sora wasn't here to see this. He couldn't stand being embarrassed on top of everything else. "Easy, you're alright. Can you look at me? Roxas?"

The blonde nodded against his chest, letting out a shuddering exhale and drawing back enough to meet Axel's concerned look, the older boy gently wiping tears from his rosy cheeks, the smaller boy turning his face away and closing his eyes. "I-I'm sorry. This is so s-stupid…! I know I'm not in any danger when I'm with you, I just…!"

"You aren't stupid, Roxas. Fear is irrational, I can't begin to imagine what it must be like pushing your limits like this. It must be excruciating." He cupped the boy's cheek and turned his face back slowly, leaning close so Roxas could feel his breath against his cheek. "You're so brave."

Roxas let out a hiccuped sob, smiling a bit so it faded into an amused laugh. "Brave? I'm not brave…"

"You are the bravest person I know." Axel whispered softly against his cheek, kissing his tears slowly, gently, lips moving across Roxas' flushed face from one cheek to the other, the blonde suddenly forgetting how to breathe. He clung to Axel's chest, shaking lightly as the older boy dipped down and connected their lips gently, making a soft sound against his mouth as the older boy held him close. When Axel pulled away Roxas wasn't crying anymore, staring up at the older boy in mild disbelief, the red-head giving him an impish grin and running a hand through Roxas' blonde locks gently. "Was that okay?"

"Y-Yes…" Roxas replied shakily, feeling the bright blush highlighting his cheeks only grow when Axel leaned closer again.

"Is it alright if I do it again?" He pet his thumb along the curve of Roxas' lips, searching his eyes. "Do you want me to?"

Roxas' breath hitched as he searched those cat-green eyes, Axel's irises shining merrily as he watched the younger boy before him, amused at his flushed cheeks, happy to see his tears had stopped. Unsure if he could respond with words, the smaller boy nodded and tightened his hold on Axel's arm, tugging him closer. The older boy was more than willing to comply. Their lips met again, slow and gentle, Axel taking his time as he smoothed one hand along the dip of Roxas' lower back, the other hand still pressed to his cheek. Roxas found his hands wandering up Axel's chest and clinging to his shoulders, grip tightening against the older boy's dark red locks when the older boy pressed more firmly against his mouth.

When Roxas made a soft sound Axel drew away, the younger boy catching his breath in soft pants and blushing when Axel tilted his face up and chuckled, meeting his eyes. "You're so cute…"

"I-I…" Roxas stammered, breathing softly, making that soft sound again when Axel leaned in to press another kiss to his lips. He kept rubbing Roxas' back gently, making sure the smaller boy wasn't overwhelmed, checking in on him after a few moments each time before dipping back down again. Roxas wasn't sure if he'd ever been kissed before. He had no memories of the life he'd once had. He wondered if someone had held him like this, if someone had touched him so delicately like this before...or if Axel had claimed his first kiss. They parted for air once more, and this time the older boy seemed satisfied, huffing out a soft exhale and pressing their foreheads together, his expression tender beyond words.

"Thank you for trusting me."

Roxas smiled and closed his eyes, catching his breath slowly, heart fluttering at the soft kisses Axel pressed to his nose and cheeks. He never wanted to forget this.

-x-x-x-

When they reached the parking lot where the late-night food trucks parked, Sora ran over to Axel gleefully, offering him a bear claw he'd saved for the older boy. Yuffie and Kairi waved them over and they took seats surrounding a large picnic table in front of one of the trucks, the neon glow from their overhead fluorescent lights painting them teal, pink, and lime-green in the darkness. Zexion and Demyx were nearby getting food from another cart, the blue-haired boy dressed in a gothic-lolita getup while Demyx recorded something on his phone to a dance beat, Zexion posing by the cart and singing along with the vocalist while dancing along to the beat. "What are they doing?" Axel asked in mock exasperation, looking to his cousin and her girlfriend, "Don't tell me they're doing that dance thing you girls always do after school."

Kairi rolled her eyes, making a face and waving her hand dismissively. "It's called TikTok old man, and yes! They are living their best lives, let them be!"

Yuffie laughed and pulled out her phone, flipping through her apps before pulling up a dance video and showing it to Roxas and Sora. "Every influencer's dream is to have a cameraman on the fly, Axel. You should really get with this generation. It's crazy addicting." She turned and held up her phone, showing Zexion was dancing along to a video that was trending. "Look at him go, he's got some serious flow and he's hella cute too! Get it Zexi!"

The chef of the food cart stuck out his head and laughed down at the two boys waiting for their order, giving them a thumbs up and handing them their takoyaki. Demyx quickly stopped recording and went to fetch their food, Zexion whining loudly at his cameraman ditching him in favor of fresh, hot food. He was still pouting when the two made their way over to the table, Zexion purposefully moving to sit by Roxas and Sora, putting Demyx at the opposite end of the table by Axel and Kairi. Yuffie, grinning from her place in the middle, quickly began chatting with Zexion about different dance videos, which perked the drag queen right up, the two quickly exchanging account information to share videos later. Roxas watched his friends, happy that they all knew one another and got along well. He had been surprised when they had all become so quickly acquainted at the club, excited when he was told that some of them had met before in previous classes, or met one another at _Orion's_ previous gigs.

Kairi reached over and patted his hand, getting Roxas' attention. The blonde looked to her, the girl smiling, her indigo eyes and magenta hair highlighted with lime-green under the fluorescents. "So Roxas! You've been spending a lot of time with my cousin recently. What have you boys been up to?"

Roxas blinked in surprise, glancing over to Axel who smiled sheepishly, saying to the girl, "Jeeze Kairi, would you lay off already? I told you not to bother him about it."

"I just want to know, that's all!" The girl replied with a catty grin, squeezing Roxas' hand before drawing back a bit, Yuffie laughing and shaking her head as she took the girl's hand instead. "He's been keeping you away from us all week! It isn't like you to be spending so much time away from us!"

"Ah! That's-" Sora started, but stopped abruptly, glancing towards Roxas. "Well I mean...it isn't like that, Kairi! They've just been at the pool at night y'know? I was with them earlier! It's just...swim practice!" He smiled over at the blonde cheerily, "Right, Roxas?"

"Right…" Roxas laughed nervously, glancing to Axel, who had an apologetic look on his face. The blonde looked back at Kairi who was watching him intently, Yuffie focused on him as well. "Axel's been helping me with...some issues I've had around water. I want to be on the track team, but I can't right now, because they require swim classes too, so..."

"Wait, why would you need help swimming?" Yuffie asked, glancing between her girlfriend and the boys surrounding the table. "I mean...you saved me from drowning that night. You're really good at swimming, aren't you?"

Zexion and Demyx had gone quiet as well, and the tension in the air became thicker with the silence. All eyes focused on him, Roxas glanced from Kairi to Axel, then stood up from the table and stuttered softly, "I think I left my bag at the gym! I'll run and grab it, I'll see you guys later?" He slipped away from the group before anyone could stop him, chest clenching as he heard Axel call after him, picking up his pace as he ran through the darkness away from the food trucks and back towards campus, pushing back the tears biting at the corners of his eyes. Kairi wasn't angry with him, he knew that. She was just teasing him, he was sure. Probably teasing Axel as well. But this wasn't the night. He did not want to talk about this in front of them. Not tonight. He didn't want to lie to them either.

He ran blindly, heartbeat loud in his ears, and before he realized what he was doing he found himself at the track, the floodlights overhead shining down patches of bright light along the looping path, Roxas starting around it without a second thought. He needed time to think, about Sora, about Axel, about Naminé. He was doing this for her, right? He was doing this for her, so he could remember her, or forget her... So he could endure the pain and grow from the shattered mess that her death had left behind. He was doing this to move on. He had to. He had been stuck at a standstill since he had lost his parents and sister in that crash. He was in college now. He had new friends, a new life, but it didn't feel new it felt...like remnants of his forgotten past. Incomplete. He needed to know her. He needed to know everything. He'd give anything to remember more than just the flashes he knew of her when he experienced her dying. He couldn't keep living like this. He ran and ran, looping around the track, losing count of how many times he circled the course, and then a voice rang out through the darkness.

"Roxas!"

The blonde glanced up with a start, his pace slowing, breathing hard and drenched with sweat. He looked to the floodlight at the beginning of the running course, seeing Sora standing there under the light, the brunette smiling and watching him but making no move to approach. He waited, watching Roxas with that same unwavering smile, and eventually Roxas padded over to him at a light pace, trying to catch his breath as he timed his pulse. "Hey...sorry. I just…"

"No, don't worry about it! Here, I brought you your phone. You left it behind." He handed the device over to Roxas, who took it from him and checked the time, noticing his missed messages with a little frown. Axel had tried to call him and text him as well. He didn't have the mental capacity to handle it right now. He felt anxious and raw, like an exposed wire, sparks flitting along the base of his neck and down his spine. He itched to run. Sora watched him fidget, then moved to shrug his backpack off of his shoulders, shifting to sit at the edge of the track and stretch out against the cool, dark pavement. Roxas watched him, then began stretching as well, muscles already warmed up from the laps he'd managed before Sora arrived. When the brunette had thoroughly stretched he got to his feet again, tightening his shoe laces and looking up at Roxas with a determined, energetic smile. "Okay, Rox! I might not be able to keep up with you if you go all out, so try not to leave me too far behind? I'll do my best to keep up!"

Roxas searched Sora's eyes, relaxing under that deep, intense blue, then nodded and started off around the track again, keeping a steady pace until he found a rhythm Sora could keep up with. He wasn't sure how many laps they did together, round and round again, in and out of the light cast down upon the track. It was comforting, having someone there. It was comforting knowing he could be like this with Sora, without having to explain himself, without having to say anything at all. They ran until they wore themselves out, coming to the end of that final lap with harsh panting and weak, trembling legs, collapsing together under the floodlight and slowly beginning to do their cooldown stretches. Eventually Sora spoke, stretching out wide on his back against the cool pavement, groaning and flexing his legs, feeling the way his muscles throbbed. "Remind me...next time…" He panted, looking over at Roxas with a sluggish grin, "...to bring water bottles…"

Roxas laughed at that, the blonde stretching out as well and laying down beside his friend, looking up at the light shining down upon them, catching the faint hint of stars past the curve of the floodlight. "Yeah, probably not the best idea after stuffing yourself with doughnuts, huh?"

"Nah, this just means I get more doughnuts as a reward!" The younger boy replied, rolling over onto his stomach and propping his cheek up on his hand, grinning down at Roxas. "We just burned...I don't even know how many calories! You want to go grab something from the food trucks?"

Bursting out with laughter, Roxas shook his head and rolled away from his friend, the brunette giggling softly and shoving at his shoulder playfully, the two boys laughing together under the floodlight, their voices echoing out across the empty track. They stayed there a while, just laughing and lying close to one another, enjoying one another's presence as the darkness steadily faded to dawn.

-x-x-x-

Roxas slept in on Saturday morning. When he woke up, he showered and fixed himself breakfast, and then finally decided he would read through the messages Axel had left him the night before. He wasn't sure what he had expected, but reading the other boy's apologies twisted at his heart and made him feel guilty for running off. He waited a while, debating on what he should say, then eventually he text Axel back and invited him over. They didn't talk about what had happened, not over text. Roxas wanted to talk to him in person. The other boy was there within the hour.

When he answered the door, Axel gave him a smile and awkwardly stepped inside, Roxas closing the door behind him. They stood in the foyer, watching one another for a long moment, then finally Roxas spoke. "I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have run off like that."

"It's alright, Roxas. I'm sorry for putting you in that position." Axel glanced away, running a hand through his fiery locks. Roxas had never seen him look so unsure. "I...wasn't expecting that to happen. Kairi teasing you like that, I mean." The older boy shifted his weight, rubbing the back of his neck and meeting Roxas' eyes. "She can be...a handful sometimes." He took a step closer, reaching out slowly, finding Roxas' hand. "She was just messing with you, but I know you don't know her that well. I'm sorry she made you uncomfortable."

Roxas squeezed Axel's hand gently, taking a step closer to the other boy. "I figured as much…" He looked up at Axel, watching him for a long moment, then asked softly, "Do we still get to have a date night?"

Axel's eyes widened and a broad smile crossed his face, the small tattoos on his cheeks curving upwards with his grin. "Yeah! Yeah, of course. I'd love that, really. I was hoping you were still up for it. I've been looking forward to it all week." He squeezed Roxas' hand, his excitement contagious, Roxas smiling up at him just as happily. "You've made some amazing progress for such a short amount of time." Sensing it was alright, Axel reached down and wrapped his arms around Roxas, the blonde pressing his hands to his chest and pressing his face against the other's soft shirt, blushing as he listened to the other's words. "I'll keep doing whatever I can to help you until we conquer this. Together."

Roxas nodded against his chest, trying not to be emotional, Axel pulling away a moment later and meeting his eyes. He had been afraid for a moment that he might have done something stupid or strange enough to scare the older boy off, but it seemed as usual he was anxious over nothing. Axel had been looking forward to this just as much as he had. He held those cat-green eyes for a long moment before gripping Axel's shirt and pushing himself onto his toes, arching up for a kiss. Axel smiled when he realized what Roxas was doing, dipping down to kiss him, hands on the younger boy's waist as they kissed, slow and sweet. Roxas pulled back a few moments later, his heels touching the ground again, blushing and looking up at Axel who was watching him with a soft expression, moving to cup his cheek. The blonde flustered brighter at his touch, letting out a soft breath he'd been holding and looking away, releasing his hold on Axel's shirt and stepping around the taller boy to walk away from the front door and towards the kitchen. "I made some breakfast...did you eat anything yet?"

"Not yet, it smells good though." Axel replied, trailing after him, giving the blonde some space as he grabbed a plate from one of the cabinets and loaded it up with scrambled eggs, toast, and a few slices of bacon. He gestured to the table and Axel sat down happily, Roxas setting down the plate and returning to the kitchen to grab orange juice and chilled fruit from the fridge.

"It isn't anything fancy, but you're welcome to have as much as you like. I bought too many eggs the last time they were on sale, so I'm going to be eating scrambled eggs and omelettes for breakfast the rest of the week." He returned to the table with a tall glass of juice, then sat the fruit down as well, the small bowl piled high with green grapes, blackberries, strawberries, and blueberries.

Axel thanked him before digging in, munching on toast and taking a sip of juice before enjoying a mouthful of eggs, humming appreciatively. "This is really good, Roxas. I'm terrible at making breakfast, and Kairi and Yuffie always go out for coffee in the morning without me." He smiled over at the blonde, winking impishly as he teased, "I could definitely get used to this."

Roxas laughed softly, plucking a green grape from the bowl of fresh fruit and popping it into his mouth, chewing slowly as he glanced towards the window, enjoying the way the sunlight filtered in through the creamy curtains. "It was one of the first things I learned how to make, after the crash. My social worker taught me." Axel's movements slowed as Roxas spoke, the older boy listening as he continued, chewing a piece of bacon slowly. "I had a lot of help when I first moved here. I had to relearn everything. Every single thing. How to cook food. How to take care of myself. How to interact with people. I was in physical therapy for my arm, and my hip and leg injuries." He shifted to roll up his sleeve, showing Axel the star-shaped scar on his inner forearm, rubbing his fingertips against it gently. "I worked really hard at being independent, since I was alone after they died…"

Axel listened quietly, leaning back in his chair and watching Roxas with a gentle gaze, his eyes flitting across the younger's scar. "Then...you grew up here, in this house?"

Roxas shook his head, looking over to meet Axel's eyes, blue searching green, trying to keep his voice calm and steady as he spoke. "My parents bought this house just before the accident, it was still in boxes when I moved in." He looked around the kitchen, eyes wandering the creamy yellow walls and the pale yellow accents of the countertops and cabinets, the soft color matching the curtains and the soft cloth draped atop the large oval table. "I was told by my case worker I wasn't raised in this city. I grew up in a smaller town a few hours from here closer to the coast. We have a house there too I guess, a summer house with a pool." He met Axel's eyes again, giving the red-headed boy a little smile. "Most of the pictures I have of Naminé are there, but I haven't visited that house since coming to live here. It's not like I have anything to go back home to anymore anyway."

The older boy nodded slowly, thinking for a few moments, then he asked, "So after the accident when you lost your memories, the social worker stayed with you?"

"For a while, yes. I had people who would check up on me now and then, I was only sixteen when I finished a year of physical therapy and was cleared to go home." He fixed his sleeve, then shifted to rest his face in his hands, glancing back towards the window. "I had required therapy sessions with my counselor, and the social worker would come to see me, but for the most part I was completely alone. I started going to a new school, kept to myself, and slowly over time some things started returning. Repetitive things I think, mostly muscle memory. Like something I'd forgotten only for a moment, and remembered once it was done or said. School came back fairly easily, so did most day-to-day activities." He looked to Axel, shrugging lightly. "The big memories though; the ones of my family, of my childhood, and of the crash...those are the memories that are still locked away, somewhere inside of my head."

The older boy nodded, absorbing the information Roxas was giving to him like a sponge, trying to retain everything and sort through it to the best of his ability before he spoke. "The memories that you have when you're in the water...do you think they come back to you randomly? Or do you think forcing yourself into deep water will cause them to come back again?"

Roxas shook his head, reclining back into his seat as well. "I don't know. I wish I did, I'd give anything to figure out the secret to remembering everything. When I hit the water diving after Yuffie it came rushing back for a few moments and then it was gone again, just like that." Roxas snapped his fingers, then shrugged and reached forward again to grab another grape, bringing it to his lips. "I'd be willing to try just about anything, if it meant I could see her again…"

The red-head nodded his understanding, sighing and repositioning himself to take another bite of scrambled eggs, Roxas smiling and watching him finish up, chewing on his grape thoughtfully, his blue eyes moving to the curtains. He wanted to feel the sunshine on his skin. He needed it, after last night. He wanted to listen to her music, with him. Maybe Axel would want to go walk at the park after breakfast.

-x-x-x-

Axel whistled appreciatively, looking up through the boughs of the large maple tree before casting his eyes across the neighborhood park. "This place is really beautiful. I've never been here. I can't believe it's so close to campus!"

Roxas smiled as he looked up, watching Axel as the taller boy reached up and touched the wide leaves of the tree above them, Roxas settling down under the dappled sunlight and smoothing his hands against the warm grass beneath them. "It's nice isn't it? I like coming here on the weekends to sketch."

Axel eventually took a seat beside him, watching Roxas dig through his satchel and retrieve a few sketchbooks and an iPod, Naminé's iPod, tugging out headphones along with it. The older boy laughed softly and picked up the small device, turning it over in his hand to admire it. "Wow I haven't seen one of these in ages! You like it old school huh?"

"It was my sister's." Roxas said softly, Axel glancing up and meeting his eyes. "You should look through it, tell me if you recognize anything. It's all new to me, so I'm not sure exactly how good her musical tastes were compared to other kids our age."

Axel laughed and flicked the lock button at the top to turn on the dial, tapping through the contents of the iPod and making little sounds now and then when he found something he liked. "Oh yeah, your sister had good tastes for sure. I listened to this stuff back in middle school. Oh! This one, I'd forgotten this one even existed! Here-" He grabbed one of the earbuds and offered it to Roxas as the music started playing, grabbing the other one for himself and pressing it to his ear. He settled back against the tree, drumming his hands against his thigh along with the beat, Roxas settling back against his side so Axel could wrap an arm around his shoulders affectionately, sharing his warmth.

Listening to the music, Roxas flipped open his sketchbook and found a blank page, already moving a stick of charcoal against the soft paper, listening as Axel hummed along. This was nice. Nicer than he had expected, listening to music with the boy he liked, listening to the same songs his sister once had, sketching under the shade of the large tree, glittering sunshine overhead. They stayed like that for hours, moving only to rearrange their positions or retrieve snacks from Roxas' bag, Axel working his way through Naminé's playlists until a text chime pinged from his phone, distracting him. He fished the device out of his pocket, sighing softly and texting back, Roxas glancing up from his most recent sketch and waiting to see what was wrong. Axel felt tense.

It took a few texts back and forth before Axel shoved his phone back in his pocket, smiling down at Roxas and returning his arm to rest around the blonde's shoulders, looking down at admiring the sketch. "Wow, that one's really coming along…"

"Is everything alright?" Roxas asked, meeting the older boy's eyes, Axel giving him a little smile and nodding, rubbing his shoulder gently as he did so.

"Yeah, yeah. It's just Kairi and Yuffie. They were wanting to know if I'd be home for dinner tonight, but I told them I have plans with you."

Roxas shifted a bit, setting his sketchbook aside and moving to press closer to Axel's, resting his hand on his chest and trying to read his expression. "That's true, though we don't really have anything serious planned." He smiled, petting against Axel's chest slowly. "I like hanging out like this. We could do this all day and I'd be fine with that." He watched Axel's expression, asking with a hesitant tone, "Do you want to go to your place tonight?"

Axel arched his brow, rubbing Roxas' shoulder again and replying back, "I...wouldn't mind us having dinner with the girls, but I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I told Kairi not to bring it up again, but I never know what exactly is going to come out of that mouth of hers..."

Roxas smiled, laughing softly. "I wouldn't mind. I like Kairi. I can understand her wanting to know what you've been doing, especially since you're spending all your time with a boy you just met…"

Axel grinned cheekily, dipping down a bit and giving Roxas a soft kiss. "I dunno. Maybe I want to keep you all to myself tonight…" His voice was light, teasing as he added, "We could hang out at your place? We'd have the whole house to ourselves, just you and me, alone..."

Blushing, Roxas swatted at his chest, the taller boy laughing and shifting a bit to look down at him again, keeping him close. "I just...I don't know what to tell her." He ran a hand through his long red hair, wincing lightly as if trying to choose which words to say without sounding foolish. "I'm spending time with you because I like you, because...I want to date you. Maybe even...put a label on it and call you my boyfriend…" His voice was quiet, and Roxas felt his heartbeat flutter at the small blush across Axel's cheeks at that soft admission. "But I feel like an idiot even considering a relationship this soon. I mean, I don't even know if that's something you're interested in. We just met, you don't know me at all and I-"

Roxas cut him off, smiling as he patted his chest, shushing him. "I may not have known you for long, Axel, but I trust you enough to tell you my most intimate secrets. Things I haven't told anyone else outside of therapy before." Roxas grinned up at him, Axel chuckling and pressing their foreheads together, Naminé's music still playing in their ears. "I...don't know anything about dating. All of this is brand new." He frowned a bit, brow arching. "How long...do we have to wait, then? What are the rules to this?" He searched Axel's eyes, his voice soft and light. "I feel silly too, liking you this much. Is it alright for me to like you this much so soon?" Axel nodded eagerly, Roxas bursting out in laughter as the older boy grinned and pulled him close, pressing kisses to his cheeks and hugging him tight to his chest, Roxas hiding his hot face against the boy's neck. "I like you. I do. A lot. I think...it's okay if we tell them we're...dating? I…" He looked up, adding with a light blush. "I want to tell Sora too."

Axel pulled back and searched Roxas' eyes, then pulled him into a kiss. The smaller boy made a soft sound against his mouth before opening up to him, feeling Axel's tongue against his bottom lip, then touching lightly against his own. Whining softly, Roxas kissed back tentatively, trying to follow Axel's movements, copy his technique and learning as they went along. When they parted for air he could barely breathe before Axel pulled him in again, kissing him deeper than before, Roxas clinging to his chest and pressing closer, pulse hammering in his ears, nearly drowning out the music. Eventually he had to pull back, panting hard against Axel's mouth, the older boy moving back a bit and giving him some space. He smiled happily, petting the soft curve of Roxas' face and chuckling lightly when Roxas tilted his cheek into his palm. "You're too damn cute…"

Roxas laughed softly, uneven due to his panting, then leaned in again and kissed the boy before him, heart brimming as those strong arms wrapped around him to keep him close.

-x-x-x-

Yuffie gasped loudly and slapped her hands on the table, not minding the drink she almost knocked over as she shouted gleefully, "So you're dating?! Seriously?"

Axel laughed loudly and lifted his hands defensively, trying to calm the girl down. "I wasn't trying to hide it from you, I swear. It just happened."

Yuffie looked between the two boys incredulously, Kairi smirking from her place beside her, shaking her head as she said smugly, "I. Knew. It. I knew it! I absolutely knew it!"

Roxas was biting his lip, trying not to laugh as he looked up at Axel who was trying to calm both of them down, failing miserably. "Listen, it's not a big deal! We're just dating! We're going to see how things progress! We aren't putting a label on anything, Roxas can see other people if he likes-"

Yuffie practically screeched and Kairi rolled her eyes, both of the girls already chiming in with their opinions on the matter. Roxas spoke up at that, coming to Axel's defense. "Really, I know you're just being considerate Ax, but honestly… I'm not interested in dating anyone else…"

"See? See! Roxas isn't looking to date anyone else!" Yuffie said, gesturing broadly at the blonde boy before moving back to Axel. "You are so ridiculous when it comes to labels, you're such a girl! Just ask him to be your boyfriend already!"

"Yuffie we haven't even known one another for a month!" Axel retorted, sounding exhausted already. "We've been on _one_ date! _One_! Roxas barely knows me, I can't just-"

"Oh come _on_ , who was the one who encouraged us to finally hook up huh?" Kairi said, smirking while Yuffie threw an arm over her shoulders and pulled her close, kissing at her cheek as loudly and wet as possible to prove her girlfriend's point. "Pretty sure that was you, cous'."

Blushing at being called out, Axel glanced to Roxas for help, the blonde laughing and shrugging a bit while saying softly, "I told you at the park, I'm fine with whatever you want us to be. If you want to say I'm your boyfriend I'm fine with it. I don't know how this is supposed to go."

"It should _go_ however the two of you feel comfortable with it _going_!" Yuffie said, smiling and leaning across the table to grab Roxas' attention, chocolate brown eyes shining happily. "Seriously, some people fall in love at first sight! Other people grow into it over the years! There's no rhyme or reason, it just happens! If you want to date that's fine, but if you want to be boyfriends that's good too!"

Kairi pulled her girlfriend back gently and then turned her attention to Roxas, reaching out and touching his hand across the table, mirroring the night before. This time she squeezed and sighed happily, nodding towards her older cousin. "Listen. This guy's a real handful, so if there's anything you want to know about you just come to me and Yuffie and we'll set you straight, alright? But yeah, Yuu's right. If you wanna be boyfriends you should just do it already." She shrugged, patting his hand sympathetically. "I might seem like you're rushing into things, but trust me. There's nothing wrong about jumping into a relationship as long as it's with someone you trust, and may one day love, and you're both on the same page while you figure everything out!" She grinned and moved to wrap her arms around Yuffie, the other girl giggling happily and hugging her back just as tight, Kairi reaching out once more and taking his hand. "You've only got one life to live, you gotta live it to the fullest, right?"

Roxas' eyes widened as she smiled at him and squeezed his hand, those words hitting home more so than anything else had. He looked to Axel, blushing and searching the other boy's eyes, then smiled as his expression softened. Grinning and giggling back and forth, the girls grabbed all four plates from around the table and went to the kitchen to set them beside the sink, cleaning up quickly then heading for the living room, holding hands and swinging their arms happily as they went. Sighing softly now that they were gone, Axel turned to Roxas to apologize, but the blonde was already standing up from the table, taking the older boy's hand. "Will you show me your room?"

Axel's eyes widened a bit but he just laughed lightly and nodded, getting up from the table and guiding the younger to the other side of the house. He flicked on the light switch just inside the door, red star lights blinking to life above his bed, illuminating the dark room in a red glow when Axel closed the door behind them. He reached over to run his hands through Roxas' soft blonde spikes, the smaller boy smiling up at him and pulling him closer, arching up to meet the kiss Axel pressed against his mouth. They stood there, stealing light, sweet kisses, before the older boy wrapped his arms around Roxas and lifted him, the blonde making a startled sound as his feet left the floor. He wrapped his legs around Axel's waist and the older boy grinned and kissed him again, walking towards the bed and kneeling at the edge, leaning down over Roxas until the younger boy was laying on top of the messy sheets. Roxas loosened his grip, his legs falling from Axel's waist as he looked up at the older boy, breathing softly as he shifted his arms up his chest to settle at his shoulders, tugging him down on top of him gently. He wanted this, he wanted more, his heartbeat hammering as Axel shifted him towards the middle of the bed and settled more of his weight on top of him, Roxas moaning softly against his mouth when their hips met again, pressed together flush. He hadn't realized he was hard until he felt direct pressure against his hips, and he was startled to find Axel was hard as well, a distinctive curve in the front of his jeans, pressed against Roxas' hip along the inner dip. "You're sure this is okay?" Axel asked softly, one of his hands moving to cup Roxas' cheek, thumb tracing lightly across his blush.

"Y-Yeah, this is okay… Just _this_ for now, though…" Roxas smiled at Axel's nod, showing his consent not to take things any further than what the younger boy was comfortable with. Roxas shivered lightly with excitement, breathing softly as the older boy leaned down again and claimed his mouth, kissing him deeper than before, Roxas whining in the back of his throat needily. When Axel shifted to slide a thigh between his legs and rocked their hips together Roxas gasped loudly against his mouth and nearly lost control, his breath hitching as his back arched off the mattress. Axel watched him with heavy eyes, pulling back a bit further to allow him to breathe, petting against his side.

"You alright?" The older asked, concern laced in his voice despite his obvious arousal.

Roxas nodded, pressing a hand over his face, breath shuddering as he tried to calm down. "I-I'm fine, I just...need a second…"

Axel chuckled softly, moving to kiss Roxas' cheek then the shell of his ear, trailing down his neck as Roxas made a soft sound and tilted his face to the side, accommodating the older boy's exploration. He rocked his hips again, the blonde fisting the sheets with one hand and arching his back, the other hand gripping Axel's shoulder desperately as he began sucking gently. He kept that slow motion as he continued, tugging down the collar of Roxas' shirt, kissing across his pulse point and nosing at his neck gently, a smile curved across his face. "Your heart is racing…" He rolled his hips again, Roxas crying out softly and slapping a hand over his mouth to muffle his sounds, Axel chuckling softly and moving one hand to slip up under the edge of the blonde's shirt. "Don't worry, they can't hear us. You don't have to hide your voice…"

Whining as Axel shifted up his body and their lips met again, Roxas couldn't help but rock his hips up against the other boy's, the taller letting out a low groan and kissing him deeper, their kisses growing messy, open and earnest with want. Voice pitching higher when Axel grabbed his hips and rocked their hips together, the blonde boy pulled back to breathe, clinging to the older boy's shoulders as he was rocked against, heat coiling tight in the pit of his stomach, flushed from his face all the way down his chest. He doubted he'd ever been this turned on in his life. Surely he would remember something that felt as amazing as this.

He met Axel's eyes, those green pools shimmering with heat as he was kissed again, though it was softer than before, their movements simmering down to a low roll until finally Axel pulled away. The older boy huffed softly, rolling onto his back and groaning, an arm thrown over his eyes as he took in deep breaths. "Fuck, now I need a second..."

Roxas laughed softly, still aroused beyond belief, eyes flitting down to see Axel was still hard too, the blonde biting his bottom lip and moving to rest his head against Axel's chest, listening to his wild heartbeat. "Your heart is racing now too."

Axel chuckled and lowered his arm, shifting to pet down Roxas' back in slow, steady passes, the smaller boy looking up and meeting his eyes, shifting up to kiss him. It was slow, gentle, the heat between them lulled by their soft touches and breaths, Axel cupping his face gently and searching his bright blue eyes. "Are you sure you're okay with being boyfriends this soon? I don't want to rush you, or make you feel pressured in any way…"

"I want to. I do." Roxas pressed his smaller hand against Axel's, smiling and nuzzling against his palm where he held his cheek. "If it's like this all the time then yes. Of course I want to be with you."

Axel chuckled softly, moving up to steal a kiss, then asked softly, "Will you be my boyfriend, Roxas?"

Humming softly and finding Axel's other hand, lacing their fingers together gently, the blonde nodded. "Yes Ax, yes. I want you to be my boyfriend too." Thinking about his sister, about the love that they must have shared and lost, and thinking about what Kairi had said, Roxas dipped down and reconnected their lips. Axel shifted his hands to the blonde's hips, making a soft sound as he kissed him, pulling Roxas closer. If this was it, if this was the only shot they got at happiness, at the potential happiness and laughter and love that could come...Roxas would risk it. He would build a new life. He would make Axel his home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roxas still has a ways to go with his phobia before he can join the track team, but with his new boyfriend helping him along the way he's sure to make more progress!
> 
> Memories drawn from the depths of his mind lead Roxas to delve into his past. He isn't exactly sure what he's looking for, or what he will find, but Axel and Sora will be there to support him as he figures things out, one step at a time. Each new memory will bring him closer to the life he lived before the crash, but will that knowledge prevent him from moving forward towards the new life he has created for himself?
> 
> Thanks for reading! More Aquaphobia to come!


	5. In Memoriam

The melody flowing from Zexion's guitar stopped abruptly, the sophomore pausing his strumming to meet eyes with Roxas. He gave him a smile, shaking his head in disbelief, fingers dancing along several frets before finding the chord he was aiming for and strumming again. "You're adorable, you know that?" He grinned over at the blonde boy who was blushing from ear to ear, "You and Axel...you look really cute together. I'm so happy for you!"

Sora was sitting beside him open-mouthed and grinning wide, still processing the blonde's words, Demyx leaning forward and clapping him on the shoulder gleefully. "Congrats Roxas! Wow, who thought you'd get a boyfriend before Zexion!"

The older boy frowned and chucked a crumpled up sheet of notebook paper at the dirty-blonde, Demyx laughing and defending himself half-heartedly. Sora pushed his homework out of the way and crawled over to Roxas, crossing the soft carpet of Zexion's living room floor to reach him, throwing his arms around his shoulders and hugging him excitedly. "Oh my _gosh_! I didn't realize you guys liked one another that way! That's _sooo_ cute!" He pulled back to meet his friend's eyes, blushing and smiling wide as he asked, "Have you guys? I mean…?"

Roxas laughed somewhat nervously, carding his fingers through his feathered locks and glancing away from the brunette shyly. "I-I mean…yeah, we've kissed and stuff…"

Sora practically squealed at the revelation, Zexion sighing and shaking his head at the younger boy's reaction, returning to strumming his guitar as he reclined back against the foot of the couch. "Adorable…"

Demyx leaned back against the couch beside his roommate, crossing his arms behind his head and looking up at the ceiling, sighing loudly and flexing a bit as he stretched. "Ah jeeze, I really need to find myself a cute girlfriend…"

Zexion hummed, amused, changing the tempo of his melody to something slow and dramatic. "Oh poor straight boy, with your sad little straight boy problems…"

"Shut up, Zex! Be glad I'm not your competition when we go to _Orion's_ and scope out cute guys at the bar!"

"As if I need to be worried about competition, honestly…" Zexion drawled, strumming while Demyx chucked another piece of crumpled paper at him, scowling.

While their friends continued to argue playfully, Sora settled down beside Roxas, deep blue eyes searching Roxas' expression curiously, the blonde watching him with a soft smile. "Sora…? What is it?"

The brunette made an indecisive face, caught between wanting to speak and being unsure of what to say, glancing towards Zexion and Demyx for a moment before leaning in and whispering softly, "What's it like? Kissing another guy?"

Roxas blinked and laughed softly, Sora blushing a bit and waiting for the older boy to reply. "It's...nice. Very nice. I don't really have anything to compare it to, but I like it. A lot. Axel is...very sweet. He always asks me if it's alright before he does anything." He smiled a bit as his eyes drifted across the textbooks and homework scattered atop the carpet, his tone soft. "I love that he's willing to take things slow."

Sora nodded slowly, absorbing Roxas' words, barely breathing. His shoulders looked tense with anxiety or excitement, Roxas couldn't be sure, then Sora reached over and took his hand, squeezing tightly. "Was he...was he your first kiss?"

Roxas hesitated, searching those deep blue eyes. He wasn't sure how to approach the subject with Sora, but he felt now might be as good a time as any. "I've never talked with you about...my life before college." He glanced towards his other friends, noting that the other two boys had stopped bickering and had fallen quiet, listening. "I...have a hard time talking about my past with others." Taking a deep breath, he exhaled slowly, pushing down his nervousness and fear. "You are my friends, and I trust you...but I have to ask you not to repeat anything I'm about to say to anyone." He looked between the three pairs of eyes watching him, his tone unsure. "Is that okay…?"

Zexion nodded, shifting his guitar to gently lay across his lap, resting his hands lightly along the body and bridge, waiting for Roxas to speak. Demyx nodded as well, glancing to Zexion then back to Roxas again. "Yeah, of course Roxas. Whatever you say to us stays between us. Our lips are sealed."

Roxas looked to Sora, the brunette nodding as well, squeezing his hand again reassuringly. The blonde let out a long exhale and steadied himself, his nerves slightly on edge as he started to speak. He told them everything. About the crash. About his sister's death. About his lost memories. About the flashback he had experienced when he had saved Yuffie. He spilled out everything that he'd been keeping bottled up inside, until they knew nearly everything he had shared with Axel, leaving out a few minor details in their more intimate conversations he had intended for only his boyfriend to hear. When he was finished speaking, Sora moved to hug him again, holding him tight. Demyx and Zexion moved closer as well, the three boys surrounding him in warmth and comfort, Roxas sniffing a little as he blinked back tears. "T-Thank you guys, for listening…"

"Of course!" Demyx said as he pulled back, ruffling his friend's hair affectionately. "You know we'd do just about anything for you, Roxas. Seriously."

"Thank you for sharing so much with us." Zexion said gently as he pulled back, petting Roxas' hair as he spoke, smoothing what Demyx had just mussed. "I'm sure that took a lot of courage to say."

Roxas nodded, blushing a bit at the tender look in the older boy's eyes, still hugging Sora as the other boys moved away. Roxas kept the brunette close, letting the younger take his time as he embraced him, the smaller boy clinging to him with seemingly no intent of letting go. Sora was shaking slightly, his arms wrapped tightly around the blonde's neck, Roxas rubbing up and down his back soothingly, asking quietly as he leaned closer, "Sora? Are you crying?"

"N-Nope! Nope, I'm fine!" the smaller boy said thickly, sniffing and hugging Roxas tighter, his face still pressed against his friend's shoulder. "I just...really want to hug you! That's all!"

Zexion and Demyx chuckled softly, the blue-haired boy walking towards the kitchen to fetch more snacks while the dirty blonde returned to his homework, grumbling softly as he flipped through his math assignment and began working out the long equation he'd been stuck on for over an hour one more time. Zexion returned a few minutes later with chips and pretzels, grabbing cups for refills of soda and juice, busying himself playing the good hostess as Roxas spoke softly to Sora. "It's alright Sora, really… I'm okay." He pressed his nose to the brunette's soft spikes, adding apologetically, "I'm sorry hearing about my past made you upset. I just thought you should know what was happening, what Axel and I have been doing after school..."

Sora pulled back a bit so he could meet Roxas' eyes, pouting and shaking his head. "No, don't apologize! I'm happy that you told us about it! I'm just...a big baby…" He sniffed again, wiping at his cheeks, letting out a soft breathy laugh. "I'm always like this, I cry super easily."

"It's true." Zexion said, padding back over to the brunette and offering him a small bag of M&Ms, the younger boy smiling happily and taking the candies, eagerly ripping open the bag. "You should see him when he's reading in the library, sobbing while he's flipping through the last few chapters of a good book."

"Or at the theater, remember when we went to see _Les Miserables_?" Demyx snorted, hiding his smile behind his book while Sora attacked him with precisely aimed M&Ms.

"Musicals get to me, okay?" The younger boy defended, popping a couple of candies into his mouth, chewing happily before adding, "That one had the saddest ending _ever_! How can you _not_ cry?" When Demyx made a face Sora pelted him with another round of chocolates, saying in protest, "It's perfectly understandable to cry, Dem! The characters are relatable! The story is so good! There's drama! Romance! Revolution!"

Roxas smiled, watching his friends, stealing a few M&Ms from Sora before he could use them as ammo. The smaller boy grinned up at him as he settled down, resting his cheek against his shoulder as he pressed close to his side. He liked this, Sora wanting to be next to him, staying close. Roxas felt like a weight had been lifted off of his chest. He had kept his past hidden for so long, but now that everything was out in the open he felt closer to all of his friends. Especially Sora. He was so tender-hearted, crying for Roxas, empathizing with him, mourning what he had lost. If Roxas were to have a best friend at this point in his life, he would definitely say it was Sora.

When the brunette reached for his homework, pulling a textbook into his lap, Roxas reached for his phone and checked his messages, smiling as he opened his conversation with Axel. He texted the other boy back quietly, giving him updates about how their night was progressing, promising to call him when he left Zexion's and made it home safe. It was a good feeling, the soft, warm sensation that just the thought of the other boy sparked within him, and when Sora reached over and took his hand, squeezing lightly, Roxas realized that Sora made him feel the same way. Safe. Comforted. Loved. He squeezed Sora's hand back gently, his friend smiling up at him before returning his attention to his homework, Roxas reaching for the iPod he had set aside, fingertips dancing along the surface. He wished his sister was here with them so she could feel this warmth too.

-x-x-x-

Axel set his book aside, Roxas making a soft sound against his chest as he moved, shifting his leg a bit further across his boyfriend's. The red-head smiled softly, rubbing his back gently as he flicked off the light, the star-lights along the ceiling giving off a warm red glow. He moved to wrap his arms around the blonde gently, Roxas blinking open his eyes sleepily and nuzzling into the boy's chest, yawning against the collar of his dark long-sleeved shirt before settling down again. "Sorry baby, didn't mean to wake you…" Axel shushed, resuming his slow movements and lulling the younger back to sleep, Roxas humming softly at his touch, relaxing completely once more.

"Mmmh…" He went still against Axel's side after a few moments of silence, chest rising and falling in a slow, even pattern, Axel watching him in the darkness, petting his hair slowly as he slept. He still couldn't put into words just how easy it was being with Roxas like this. They'd been dating for a few weeks now, they were out to all of their friends, and Axel could already tell he was falling hard for the younger boy. He hadn't felt like this before, not in any of his previous relationships. This was something much more intense and meaningful than anything he'd experienced before.

Brushing his lips against Roxas' forehead he closed his eyes, holding him close as he slept, his mind wandering over the events of the past few weeks. School, swim practice, after-school therapy with Roxas at the pool… They hadn't made much progress since that first week, Roxas unable to bring himself to enter the deep end without his severe anxiety of the colder water starting a panic attack. Axel hated to push him too hard, but knew that he had to do something to help, anything that might grant Roxas more memories of his childhood, of the life that he had lost to the water. Maybe...instead of gradually wading in, if Roxas just jumped into the deep end of the pool? Would Roxas be able to do it? Maybe if Axel jumped with him, or if he and Sora were both there… He kissed his boyfriend's forehead gently, letting out a soft exhale and letting his mind go blank. There was only so much he could do for Roxas. He wondered fleetingly as he fell into slumber if Roxas was making any further progress with his therapist, Aerith. He was going to see her again tomorrow afternoon.

-x-x-x-

Aerith was kind and sweet as always, pouring them tea and listening to Roxas as he recapped his week. She smiled and nodded, making a few notes here and there in the small notepad resting on her lap, giving him feedback now and then as their session progressed. "It sounds like your classes are going well, I'm happy that your assignment received such a high score! I know you had been working hard on it, that's fantastic Roxas! I'm very proud of you." She lifted her teacup to take a sip, her eyes soft and cheeks rosy as she watched the boy sitting on the couch across from her. "Now, the only thing I would like to ask you about is your after-school activities with your boyfriend. You aren't pushing yourself too hard too quickly, are you? I know he is trying to help, but sometimes those outside of your own personal trauma can do more harm than good. You need to be comfortable expressing your limits and needs with him."

Roxas shook his head, setting his cup aside before replying. "No no, I'm alright, really. He's always careful with me. Always so patient." Roxas' tone was affectionate as he continued. "He has seen me freak out enough times now that he can almost tell when it's coming, and he always stops before things get too bad. He knows me, really knows me." He smiled as he searched Aerith's eyes. "He wasn't there, he didn't experience what I went through, but he understands better than anyone, I think." He smiled gently, thoughts drifting to his blue-eyed friend, the bubbly brunette clear in his mind, Roxas easily able to hear his laughter. "Sora has been a big help too. He's really been there for me since I told him about the accident. Sometimes I feel like I should have told him sooner. He's my closest friend." He shrugged, reclining back against the couch and adding simply, "I treasure him, and Axel. They're precious to me, more than I can say."

Aerith smiled, her laughter filling the office. "Alright! I trust you to express yourself and verbalize your wants and needs with your partner and friends. As long as you aren't hurting yourself, continue trying different things. Let me know right away if you have another memory come to you. We will work through this together."

Roxas nodded, smiling back and replying, "Of course. Thank you, Aerith."

As he spoke, the cuckoo clock on the wall chimed with the time, Aerith glancing at her watch and adjusting her reading glasses, sighing in surprise. "Well that hour went by quickly! Shall we schedule you again this time next week?"

They said their goodbyes, Roxas leaving the counselor's office building and heading downstairs to the parking lot. Checking for traffic before making his way across the street, Roxas easily found his boyfriend, his bright red hair standing out in stark contrast against the tall glass windows and dark brick walls of the café where he was waiting.

Axel seemed to sense his approach, glancing up from one of the small ornate tables lining the outside of the café with a broad smile, a big slice of lemon meringue pie and a cup of coffee already sitting before him. "Hey there, sunshine. How did it go?"

Roxas leaned down for a kiss before taking a seat beside him, Axel handing him a little menu of desserts and drinks, the blonde humming softly as his blue eyes surveyed the menu. "The usual. 'Don't push yourself too hard, let me know if anything changes'…" He glanced past the menu to Axel with a little smile, "She did say she was proud of me for acing my research paper though. That was nice."

Axel nodded, taking a forkful of his lemon meringue pie and offering it to Roxas, the boy opening his mouth and accepting the bite. He paused for a moment, then asked, "Y'know, I've been wondering about this since the last time we hung out at your place." Roxas glanced between his boyfriend and the menu, debating on what type of dessert he should order when the waitress came by. "The house is a lot bigger than your bedroom and the kitchen I'm sure, but…" He thought for a moment, debating how he should phrase it. "You don't really...live in your house, do you?" Roxas returned his attention to the other boy, Axel noting the small frown on his face and adding, "You said there were a bunch of boxes when you moved in, right? Did you...find anything that triggered your memories while you were unpacking?"

Roxas shook his head, glancing away from the older boy. "No, I never unpacked anything except some of my clothes and art supplies." He rested his cheek against his hand, shrugging as he turned over the menu. "My social worker, Quistis, she helped me with unpacking some of the kitchen stuff, but the rest...it was all my parent's. Or Naminé's." He sat the menu down against the table, looking to Axel again. "I left it all boxed up in the extra rooms. It's been sitting there collecting dust since I moved in. I have no idea what's inside. I've never really had the desire to know." Roxas looked over as he heard the door to the café chime, and smiled at the waitress as the aproned girl approached. He lifted the menu again, pointing out a sweet latte he wanted to try and pairing it with a slice of carrot cake, the waitress walking back inside to retrieve his order, the overhead bell chiming as she went. Axel was watching him quietly, Roxas returning his attention to the red-headed boy, the older boy reaching over and taking his hand, squeezing lightly. He wasn't sure why, but he felt a little apprehensive. He knew Axel wasn't trying to make him feel uncomfortable, but it was hard to talk about regardless. "What made you think about that all of a sudden?"

"I think Aerith might be right with her concerns." Axel admitted softly, "I think we may be pushing things a bit too far too soon at the pool." He frowned a little, remembering their last attempt a few nights before. Roxas had been shaking long after they'd left campus and curled up in bed. He knew Roxas was strong, but he hated seeing him anxious, regardless of the reason. "I was thinking, if you wanted to, we could try looking through some of your old things, for a change of pace." He smiled over at his boyfriend gently, squeezing his fingers a bit while adding, "Maybe it will help?"

Roxas nodded slowly, thinking about the stacks of boxes he'd pushed into the back rooms, worrying his bottom lip as Axel stoked his thumb across his palm and laced their fingers together affectionately. "I would be willing to give it a try. I just...feel bad when I see things of theirs and I feel... _nothing_. It's just...numb, empty." He glanced away from Axel a bit, trying to focus on the sensation of Axel's warmth and touch, letting the older boy soothe him. "It feels surreal when I look at them in pictures, let alone sifting through their things. Like it's someone else's life I'm looking through." He shivered a bit, tightening his hold on Axel's fingers. "It's like...I'm being invasive. Or somewhere I'm not meant to be, looking through things that aren't meant to be seen, that aren't meant for _me_." He unlaced their fingers slowly, reached for his pocket, pulling out his phone and Naminé's iPod, setting them both down atop the table. "I found this in one of the first boxes I opened." He said, gesturing to the iPod as he moved to flick on the small device, checking the battery and clicking through the playlist he'd been listening to during his last class. "Then again, if I hadn't unknowingly been looking through Naminé's stuff, I guess I would never have discovered how much I love her music." He was thoughtful as he spoke, his expression soft, yet somewhat torn, uncertain. "There could be other things hidden in those boxes, important things." He set the iPod aside gently, returning his eyes to Axel. "Maybe you're right. I'll try it. I think I do need a break from the pool for a few days, I'm starting to feel restless doing the same thing over and over with nothing to show for it…" He arched his brow a bit as he smiled at Axel, appreciating his boyfriend's input and concerns. He understood Axel was only looking out for him, wanting what was best for him. It tugged at his heart. Axel was amazing. Trying to change his tone to something more upbeat, he added after a light pause, "Who knows, maybe something will click! I've never taken the time to explore that part of my past. There's...a lot to go through..." He tilted his head a bit, watching his boyfriend, worrying his bottom lip briefly before he spoke. "Would you...stay with me? I don't think I can look through all those boxes alone…" Just the thought of it was daunting, a shiver passing up his spine at the idea of being all alone in his house, digging through dusty boxes holding memories he couldn't recall.

Axel beamed, nodding his enthusiastic agreement to Roxas' request. "Yeah, of course I will! I'd be happy to help you sort through everything. Did you want to do that tonight? After dessert?" Roxas thought for a moment, then nodded, blue eyes shining with a gentle expression as he watched the older boy. Tonight was as good a night as any. Axel chuckled softly, leaning over and giving Roxas a quick kiss, glancing up at the sound of the door chime as the waitress brought over the requested carrot cake and latte. She sat it down before Roxas and excused herself, giving them a little smile before disappearing inside, Roxas blushing a bit as he watched her go before looking over to meet eyes with his boyfriend. The older boy just grinned and leaned in again, claiming a soft, slow kiss now that they wouldn't be interrupted, Roxas making a soft sound as he felt a hint of Axel's tongue teasing across his bottom lip. When he pulled away and made a face, the older boy laughed softly. "Taste good?"

"Lemon is okay, it just isn't my favorite." He picked up his fork and took a bite of his carrot cake, humming appreciatively and licking his lips while offering Axel the next bite. The red-head made a little face but leaned down so Roxas could bring the fork to his lips, making an exaggerated sound of appreciation when he pulled back, grinning impishly.

"Mmmh! Oh yes, so good! Carrots with icing! My favorite…"

Roxas laughed, rolling his eyes and diving in for another piece, shoving a large forkfull into his mouth and chewing slowly. "You sound just like Sora." Roxas lamented dramatically between bites, "He isn't a fan of vegetables in his cakes either."

"Sora has a valid point." Axel said, shaking his fork a bit for emphasis. "Cakes and pies should be made with fruits and sweets only. If it's not rich enough to make you feel sick there's something wrong with it!" He laughed a bit at Roxas' unamused expression, taking a few sips of his coffee before spearing another forkful of meringue. "Y'know, I cannot think of a single other vegetable in a dessert that a café would even sell! What other veggies can you bake into a cake anyway?"

Roxas blinked and laughed, opening his mouth to reply but then pausing, a confused look crossing his features before shaking his head, "I was about to say pumpkin, but that's a fruit too!"

"Wait a minute, no way." Axel scoffed around a mouthful of lemon meringue. "Pumpkin is a fruit? Since when?!"

Roxas nodded, sipping his latte as he watched his aggrieved boyfriend. "Yeah, weird huh? Think about that the next time you have pumpkin pie!" He laughed softly at Axel's incredulous expression, musing to himself as he sipped his warm, sweet drink. "Now that you mention it, other than carrot cake I really don't know of any other desserts with vegetables. None that you could buy at a café, anyway."

Taking another bite of his cake and smiling over at his boyfriend, Roxas turned his attention to Axel's therapy proposal and considered their previous conversation. The older boy was finishing off the last bit of his pie and coffee while simultaneously doing his best to dig through his backpack to check for homework assignments. He huffed softly, shuffling through color-coordinated notebooks and folders, shifting his textbooks around to find what he was looking for. "I've got a paper that's due on Monday, but I can always work on that more this weekend." He glanced over at Roxas, giving the boy a mischievous smile. "I brought a change of clothes with me too, just in case you wanted me to spend the night?"

Roxas laughed and rolled his eyes, giving the boy an affectionate look. "I suppose we really should spend some time at my place instead of yours, whether we're sorting through boxes or not." He licked a bit of icing off of his fork, adding playfully, "I think Kairi and Yuffie have just about decided that I live there too. We're always hanging out with them."

"So then...sleepover at your place?" He grinned and retrieved a small bag of toiletries he'd packed away behind the textbooks alongside his extra clothes. "I brought my toothbrush!"

Roxas laughed and nodded, Axel taking his hand and squeezing lightly, echoing his laughter. He could do this. He could search through the boxes his parents and sister had left behind in the wake of their deaths. With Axel by his side, he felt as if he could do just about anything.

-x-x-x-

Roxas flicked on the light switch and pushed the door to the master bedroom all the way open. Axel was just behind him, so close he could feel the other's warmth at his back, his breath tussling his messy hair. He stepped forward into the room, his thick socks soft cushions against the plush carpet, his eyes glancing around the unfamiliar interior of the bedroom nervously. Axel still held his hand, squeezing gently, reminding Roxas he was there, and the blonde squeezed back as they walked past the bare mattress and to the far wall where dozens of large moving boxes were stacked beside an empty closet.

"Alright Roxas. We don't have to work through all of this tonight. Let's just...take it one step at a time." Axel's voice was soft, comforting, the other boy gently tugging him back against his chest and pulling Roxas' eyes away from the dusty tower, turning him to face him. "Do you hear me? I'm here to help you, okay? You're not alone." He cupped Roxas' face, stroking his thumb just below his eye, tracing his cheekbone. "Do you want me to start looking through things for you? Or do you want to pick the first box?"

Roxas hesitated, looking away from Axel again and trying to sort through his thoughts and feelings. "They're...not really labeled." The blonde said softly, stepping away from his boyfriend and towards the boxes, looking for old labels that might give a hint as to what contents were inside but finding none. "There are more in Naminé's room too, more boxes." He glanced back at Axel when the boy came to stand at his side. "I'm not sure if I can handle looking through all of her things yet so...we should start here." He reached out and touched one of the boxes, seeing his mother's name written in faded ink. "Maybe my mother kept things I will remember?" Clothing, jewelry, _something_ had to be a memory for Roxas. When he had been shown the family photo albums he hadn't recognized the woman in the pictures, but he knew she was his mother, even if he felt nothing when he saw her. He tried to imagine finding something she wore, a necklace maybe? A shawl? Even if he were to find exactly what he was looking for, would he recognize it? He was so afraid that numbness would creep up again, that sick out-of-body feeling that he had experienced the night he had lost his family, his home. He hated that feeling almost as much as he hated the cold fear trapped inside his mind, those endless, bottomless depths that housed his most painful memories, including his last few moments with his sister as she drowned.

He reached for a box near the top of the stack and started pulling. Axel helped him get it down to the floor. They ripped off the tape sealing the top, then Roxas unfolded the cardboard wings and began pulling out what he found inside. Clothing mostly. A locked jewelry box. A few handwritten notebooks that looked like old diaries perhaps. He opened one of the smaller books, finding it was a planner or personal calendar that looked like it might have involved meetings and work. Roxas wasn't sure what his parents had done for their jobs, he had never wanted to know. Now he wished he had someone he could ask. Maybe he could call Quistis tomorrow. He was certain his former case worker would have some idea of who his parents had been before the accident. She still helped to oversee his finances and his schooling, checking up on his well being with Aerith whenever she was in town. He didn't speak with her often now that he was in college, and eighteen, but he knew she would take the time to speak with him and help in any way she could.

Axel lifted one of the dresses out of the box and gave a little whistle, drawing Roxas back to the moment. "Wow, these are really pretty and soft! They look expensive too." He folded it neatly again and set it aside, Roxas pushing more clothes aside and finding a few bottles of unopened perfume near the bottom of the box. He frowned a bit, picking up one of the glitzy gift boxes and flipping it over. There was a post-it on the back side, with his sister's name and her birthdate. They must have been presents set aside for her next birthday. Roxas felt his throat clench, stomach churning. She had her whole life ahead of her. Why did it always feel like he was the reason it had been stolen away?

Axel watched him quietly, then after a moment he got to his feet and left the bedroom, Roxas listening to his footsteps as he padded down the hall and turned towards the kitchen. After a few minutes of shuffling through kitchen drawers Axel made a triumphant sound, closing each of the open drawers once more with soft clicks before returning with a bright smile. "Here! This will help." He offered Roxas one of the sharpies he'd retrieved from the kitchen drawer, setting aside packing tape, scissors, and a notepad out of the way. "I'll start cataloguing what we find, and marking the boxes accordingly. That way, if you're ever trying to find something again you'll know exactly where to look."

Roxas sighed and gave his boyfriend a smile, "Thank you, Ax. I wasn't sure where to begin with all of this…"

"That's why I'm here. Let me know if there is anything else I can do to make this easier." He nodded towards the perfume in the blonde's hand, noticing the sticky note. "Is that your mom's handwriting?"

"Yeah, yeah I think so. It matches the writing in these notebooks." He traced his fingertips along the flowing cursive, a little smile teasing the corner of his mouth. "She had nice, dainty handwriting huh? Like a teacher's maybe, or an artist's." He thought about the paintings on the walls of the living room, his mother's signature written at the bottom of each canvas in that same beautiful handwriting. It was somehow familiar, but for a different reason. "It sort of reminds me of Aerith's cursive." He mused, thinking of the various times his shrink had sent him home with paperwork. He wondered if his mother had been anything like Aerith.

Axel gave him a soft, affectionate smile, then started jotting down the contents of their first box, Roxas shoving everything back inside as neatly as he could and rewriting his mother's name on the side of the box where it was easy to see. The boys shoved the freshly taped box aside, starting a new tower against the adjacent wall, and slowly over the next several hours they worked through as many boxes as they could before taking a break. Roxas was quiet now, probably the quietest he had ever been around Axel, the older boy watching and giving him encouragement now and then to try and keep his spirits up, but the blonde was barely responding. Worried he was becoming overwhelmed despite the progress they'd made, Axel set his notebook aside and stretched his arms out high over his head, watching as Roxas finished taping up their latest box, shoving it aside with the rest. "Alright, I'm getting sore from sitting on the floor so long. Do you want to take a break for a while? Maybe watch a movie or something?"

"We haven't found anything." Roxas said softly, reclining back on his hands as he sighed softly, looking between the pile of boxes they were creating and the pile of boxes they still hadn't worked through. "We've sorted through almost a dozen boxes, we aren't even half-way done, and it's just…" He leaned forward, pressing his palms to his face, rubbing his eyes. "I feel like I should have _seen_ something by now. Felt _something_. What if we make it through everything my parents ever owned and there's nothing to gain from it? I haven't had a flashback since that night…" He shook his head, trying not to sound as defeated as he felt. "What if that was it? What if that one memory is all I'm ever going to get?" His shoulders were shaking, his voice breaking slightly as he spoke. "What if it was a fluke accident, and there's not a way for me to cause more flashbacks at all?"

Axel frowned, upset at himself for suggesting they do this, upset that there wasn't more he could do to help. He turned to the boxes nearby with determination, tugging a few out of the bottom row, shifting the boxes around so he could grab them without the entire tower falling. The bottom boxes were super heavy compared to the clothing and miscellaneous items they'd been through so far, and the first box that Axel cut open was filled with various sized and shaped trophies, different colored ribbons and pendant medals strewn across the bottom of the large box. Axel picked one of the medals up, flipping it over and reading the inscription. They were Roxas', from competitive swimming. "Holy shit. Roxas, look at this. Are all of these yours?"

Roxas shuffled over to Axel's side on hands and knees, then perked up a bit when he realized what the red-head was holding. The box was filled with swim-related competition awards and honorable mentions, from grade school through highschool. He checked the dates on some of the larger trophies, saying in mild disbelief, "This was the year of the crash. This must have happened just weeks before…"

Axel was already ripping open another heavy box, the red-head smiling and pulling out stacks of VHS tapes. "Wow, look at these. There must be a hundred." He turned the tapes around so he could read their labels. "Roxas: Year 7, Seasonal Competitions. Roxas: Year 8, High School Qualifiers, Roxas: Year 9, First High School Meet…" He set the tapes at the top of the box to the side, digging down closer to the bottom as Roxas lifted trophies out of the first box and reached down to grasp a handful of blue ribbons and golden pendant medals. Axel continued reading aloud as he sifted through the VHS tapes, his excitement steadily growing. "This one says: Roxas and Naminé, Summer House. Roxas and Naminé, At The Beach… Oh, there's a VHS player in here too!" It took quite a bit of patience to dig the old device out of the bottom of the box, but Axel pulled it free with a victorious shout, getting to his feet and running off down the hallway again. He came back a moment later, hands free, reading the labels on the boxes they'd already sorted through while explaining, "I saw an adapter earlier in one of the other boxes! We can connect it to the tv in your room and watch the tapes!" He pulled a box out of the middle of the new stack and cut it open, digging until he found what he was looking for and rushed off again.

Roxas blinked after him for a few long moments before shifting to the VHS box, picking up one of the tapes and reading the labels as Axel had before. The handwriting was different. Messy and blocky. It must have been his father's. "Hi dad…" Roxas said softly, tracing the messy letters, feeling something inside of him shifting and twisting, fighting the urge to cry. They had been there. They had been beside him, cheering for him, watching him grow. This was proof they lived. They had watched over him and Naminé as they grew up. He wanted to know more. He wanted to remember their faces, their voices. He wanted to know their love. He wanted to _remember..._

Axel's hands on his own snapped him out of his thoughts, looking up into those intense green eyes and returning his boyfriend's smile. "Hey baby…" The red-head dipped down and kissed his forehead, then gently helped him to his feet. "Come with me, let's lay down and watch some videos of you as a kid. I wanna see how cute you were before you were all grown up."

Roxas laughed and nodded, dropping his head a bit so he could wipe at his teary eyes. They took their time picking out several VHS tapes before leaving the master bedroom and settling down in Roxas' room on top of the blonde's bed. Axel spooned Roxas, warm chest pressed against the smaller boy's back, a blanket haphazardly tossed over their legs as Roxas grabbed the remote and changed the input to play from the old VHS player, asking Axel over his shoulder, "Which one did you put in first?" Before Axel could reply, the tape started playing, Roxas shifting his attention to the tv screen, his blue eyes wide. It was him. He was younger, a lot younger. Probably in elementary school. There was a girl beside him, smaller than he was, younger still. He recognized her soft peony-blue eyes instantly. "That's Naminé…"

Axel held him close, arms wrapped around his waist, quiet as the tape played. The audio was a little distorted for a few moments when gulls cried overhead and a large wave rolled across the beach in the background, a woman's voice beckoning the children closer to the camera, Roxas walking barefoot across the sand. "Roxas! Roxas, look at the camera sweetie! Naminé! Can you look up at mommy?" The little girl stayed behind, not listening to her mother's soft words, continuing to dig in the sand. There was a little bucket beside her with a tiny rake and shovel meant for building sandcastles, various toys scattered around her, half-buried in the sand. Seeing that she hadn't followed him, Roxas quickly returned to her side, sitting down in the sand beside her and scooping up piles around where she was digging, talking to her happily as he showed her how to build a makeshift castle by hand. His mother's laughter was bright as she drew closer to her children, still recording. "Look at me little darlings! Show me this marvelous castle that you've built!"

Roxas didn't remember the ocean, but as he watched he could somehow smell the salt in the air, feel the sand between his fingers, his grip on Axel's arm tightening as his breath caught in his throat. This was real, this was something tangible. It felt the same as it had that night, when he had experienced that flashback of Naminé sitting by the pool, a stopwatch in her hand and a bright smile across her face.

He stayed very still, clinging to Axel as the tape continued to play, his younger self and his little sister playing in the sand, running through the foamy waves, flashes of his mother and father here and there as the camera switched hands between parents. Roxas was speechless, nostalgia washing over him in waves that echoed the ocean lapping at the beach, and then suddenly the video cut off and the scene changed.

They were older now. It was the same beach, the coast in the background was cut exactly the same. They must be in middle school now judging from their clothes and height, and other physical characteristics. Roxas' shoulders were curved with lean muscle, his legs long and lean, telltale swimmer's muscles flexing as he walked. Naminé's hair was longer now and she was tall enough to nearly keep up with Roxas' stride. She looked so grown up. She was beautiful. Naminé turned to the camera after a moment of speaking with Roxas, smiling and walking closer to the person recording. Roxas kept walking ahead of her along the beach, moving steadily away from his sister, his back to the person recording. Naminé's voice was soft and light as she spoke, giggling as she asked curiously, "Riku, what are you doing with that old thing? Did dad start showing you his massive tape collection again?"

A voice from behind the camera laughed, the boy replying, "C'mon Naminé. How else are we going to document our chronicles into high school? Besides, I kind of like it. Your dad is cool for keeping all those home movies!" The camera shifted a bit as he talked, waves crashing in the background as he spoke. "Wish my parents would act like they gave a crap about me. I'm lucky if I see them at all."

"Oh Riku, stop it." She swatted at the camera, laughing and walking away, the cameraman following after her along the beach. "Your parents care about you, they're just away on business a lot. That just means you get to spend more time with me and Roxas, right?"

"Right…" The boy laughed again, Naminé reaching out and taking the camera from him, switching the perspective to focus on him instead. He looked to be the same age, his eyes vivid aquamarine. His white hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and Roxas noticed the crest on the hoodie he was wearing matched the emblem he had seen on the trophies before. They must have been on the same swim team. This boy was his childhood friend. Those bright aquamarine eyes moved away from the camera, and Naminé shifted to follow his gaze, looking across the beach to focus on Roxas. He was looking back at them, waiting for them to catch up, a soft, happy smile across his face. He looked...content. At peace. When the three of them were close enough to speak, the camera cut off again.

Roxas sat up with a start, scrambling off the bed and reaching for the next VHS tape, switching them out and climbing back into bed, tugging Axel's arms back around him. This was actually _doing_ something, kindling something inside of him he hadn't realized was there. He watched as the tape started playing, recognizing the summer house right away. The glass doors leading out to the back yard, the pool shining brightly under the sunlight as Naminé lounged in a pink bikini on a large plush towel stretched across the marble pool deck. There was a girl beside her with mint-green hair in a purple bikini, the girl glancing up over her sunglasses at the camera with pretty violet eyes, laughing softly and nudging Naminé. The blonde took a moment to look over at her friend, but when she did she frowned up at the camera and shouted, " _Roxas_! Get out of here with that thing!"

"What! It's not like it isn't anything I've seen before!" He heard his voice say from behind the camera, "I see Taso in her swimsuit all the time at practice, and you guys are always out here sunbathing!"

Naminé practically growled as she got to her feet, starting after him with a warning tone, " _Roxas_! I'm going to tell mom!"

Groaning as the camera cut off, Axel chuckled softly and hugged him back against his chest, squeezing gently. "Jeeze, little troublemaker, weren't you?"

Roxas rolled his eyes, laughing softly and waiting for the next segment to play. It was dark for a while, then the next scene flashed to the pool again. Naminé was sitting at the edge, stopwatch in hand, glancing down into the pool and then back to the stopwatch as the cameraman drew closer. "How's he doing?" It was a different voice this time, deeper and older than the other voices they'd heard so far.

"He's getting super good at holding his breath now, dad! He's trying to beat his personal best record." She beamed up at her father then turned back to the pool, monitoring her brother's progress. "I think he might actually do it today!"

The camera shifted to zoom in on the stopwatch dial, watching the seconds tick by, drawing closer and closer to three minutes. Eventually bubbles started rising to the surface, and then a few moments later Roxas burst up from the bottom of the pool, gasping in a deep lungful of air while Naminé clapped and showed him his time, Roxas groaning and shaking out his hair. "Ugh! So close!"

"You can do it Roxas! I believe in you!" Naminé said, laughing and giving him a high-five before Roxas turned to the cameraman, swimming over to the side of the pool and reaching up to give his dad a high-five too.

"I'm so proud of you, champ!" That deep voice said, Roxas smiling happily up at the camera. His father lingered for a few moments then turned and walked away, walking around the curved edge of the pool and heading back inside. "Come on, both of you! Your mother's meeting us downtown, we don't want to get caught in traffic." Roxas and Naminé chorused their reply, gathering their towels and flip flops from the pool deck and starting towards the glass door, following after their father. As they reached the door the screen went black.

Roxas sighed softly, releasing the breath he had been holding and turning over to face Axel, allowing the boy to lean down and kiss the top of his head while he nuzzled into his chest, breathing in his scent. It grounded him back to the moment, Roxas closing his eyes and trying to focus his thoughts. He could remember little details of things he hadn't before. The scratchy surface of the bottom of the pool. The smell of chlorine against marble, the bitterness tinged with the sweetness of fresh-cut grass. His sister's shrill voice as she yelled at him and chased him around the pool as he teased her in front of her friend. The beach, the warm sand between his toes, fluffy seafoam on his fingertips. The way his weight would sink into the wet sand a bit further with each step he took into deeper water, wading away from the shore. Aside from those new sensations, Roxas could recall jumbled flashes of his mother and father; the sound of their voices, brief glimpses of their faces, the overall feeling of their presence in his life. He could just barely remember their warmth.

There was one piece however that didn't quite fit. One person he couldn't quite remember despite the videos, even after seeing his face and hearing his voice: Riku. He recognized from watching the tapes that they must have been good friends, it seemed like they had probably been friends for many years. They must have been close, for Riku to have been together with him and his sister at the beach, for Naminé to talk with him so freely… It unsettled him. Why hadn't he been there? Why hadn't they spoken after the crash? It had been three years. How could his childhood friend have disappeared after what happened, when Roxas had needed him the most?

"Roxas?" Axel's voice was quiet, the blonde looking up at him and humming questioningly. "Look, there's more at the end. It looks like a school?"

Roxas rolled over, glancing towards the tv. There wasn't any sound, just images where it looked like the tape had been recorded over. There was a large competition-sized swimming pool there, the diving boards taller than any he'd ever seen in the city, his eyes wide and shoulders tense as he watched. It looked like the crowd in the stands and the high-schoolers huddled together at the side of the pool had gathered for a swim team practice. Roxas was there just below the diving boards, talking to the mint-haired girl he'd seen with Naminé before, the two of them pausing their conversation and turning their attention to the high-dive, the camera panning upwards. Riku was at the highest board, poised at the edge, the whole team watching as he stretched his arms out and then with a twisting flourish he dove. Roxas gasped audibly, then sighed with relief when Riku entered the water at the perfect angle, watching the silent applause that swept over his teammates in the video, the camera turning to show Naminé smiling and giving a thumbs up to the camera, waving her goodbye before switching the recording off.

Roxas' heart clenched, feeling something sharp pinch his chest at seeing that happy goodbye. He looked away from the tv, turning back to Axel, pressing his face against the older boy's chest as he felt a sob catch in his throat. "I miss her! I miss her so much…"

Axel held him gently, shushing him softly as he started to cry, rubbing up and down his back and reaching for the remote, changing the input back to the channel they'd been watching before. He was careful with his movements, lowering the volume to something soft for background noise, rubbing along Roxas' back the whole while before tossing the remote aside and cuddling the smaller boy tightly. "I know baby, I know you do… You're alright…"

Roxas pulled back a bit, wiping at his eyes, looking up to meet Axel's concerned gaze. "I want to go there." He hiccuped softly, Axel petting his cheek, nodding slowly as Roxas spoke. "I want to see the summer house, the school that we went to, the beach…" It was more than just that simple desire though, it was all those unanswered questions he had in the back of his mind. Unanswered questions that he might be able to find answers to somewhere in his hometown. There was still so much he didn't know. "I want to know what happened that night, why we crashed…" He thought about Riku, adding, "I want to know where my friends were when I was in the hospital, when I was all alone…"

Axel nodded, listening to everything he said before replying back gently, "Alright, we can do that Roxas." Unsure of exactly how much time the younger boy planned to invest, Axel asked tentatively, "If you want to visit your hometown we can go on our next break? We have a week off at the beginning of next month. Would you want to go then?"

Roxas shook his head, hiding his face against Axel's chest again, his voice muffled against his shirt. "N-No, I can't wait that long." He gripped the other boy's shirt tighter, his voice almost too soft as he tried to stop crying. "I need answers, I can't…"

The older boy rubbed his back in slow, steady passes, thinking aloud. "If we don't wait until break then...let's just go this coming weekend! It's only a few hours away from here, right?" Roxas pulled his face from Axel's shirt, blinking away stray tears. The older boy continued rubbing his back and dipped down to kiss his cheeks, nuzzling him for a few moments while Roxas calmed his breathing, dipping down to giving him a slow kiss when Roxas met his eyes, continuing. "I can drive us there, we can look around the house, the pool, swing by the school…" Roxas nodded slowly, Axel giving him another soft kiss before adding, "Maybe we can try to track down some of your old friends?" He thought for a moment, petting Roxas' cheek, then added, "Sora can come with us too if you want? I'm sure he'd like to see the place where you grew up, and those diving boards at the high school!" He whistled softly, grinning at Roxas' soft laughter. "I bet we wouldn't hear the end of it if he found out later we went to see those without him."

Roxas nodded, making a soft sound of agreement while he hiccuped and clung to Axel's shirt, trying to even his breathing now that he wasn't crying anymore, glancing up to meet his boyfriend's eyes with a tired smile. "Thank you...so much. For being here."

Hugging him close again, Axel kissed his temple and forehead, waiting for Roxas to relax his breathing, then tilted his face up for another soft kiss. They stayed like that a while, kissing slowly and breathing softly against one another, strong arms wrapped securely around Roxas while the smaller boy held onto that soft, dark fabric beneath his palms. Roxas closed his eyes, allowing his boyfriend's comforting warmth to slowly lull him into a light sleep. He had never felt so close to another person. He might be falling in love with Axel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roxas takes a trip to his hometown to visit the place where he and his sister grew up, but will visiting his old city help heal his wounds or only cause more? Things aren't what they seem to be, and Roxas will find out the hard way that rediscovering old memories is almost guaranteed to lead to heartache. Is it worth it in the end, if he can remember who he was?
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Originally Published: Aug 3, 2010 - Updated: Jun 11, 2020


End file.
